Ore no Imōto ga Konna ni Kawaii Wake ga Nai: Wan Pisu Bajon
by Noone the Virgin
Summary: Or, at this point, we can call it "Our Captain Can't be This Cute." Not a crossover.
1. Chapter 1

"Why does she keep following us?!" Ace complained. He and Sabo, a close friend were going out to the dangerous jungle, looking for lunch and dinner. Behind them, was an upbeat happy girl by the name of Luffiko.

"Ace, let's be friends!" She shouted, wanting his attention. Ace merely ignored her, running. Sabo followed suit. "Ace, she really wants to play with you," Sabo said. "Well, I'm not gonna let her!" The two boys dashed to a nearby pont. "Ace, come back! Don't leave me here!" She pleaded. The two made it to a large pond.

"Alright, I'm gonna catch a huge one!" Ace said, jumping in the water. Sabo watched in anticipation. "Oh yeah? I can catch a big one, too!" Luffiko said, jumping in the water.

"Wait, you ate a devil fruit, so you can't swim, right?" Sabo reminded her. "Oh…oh yeah." She pouted. Ace came out the water with a massive fish. He and Sabo prepared the fire to eat it. Luffiko looked at it in awe and in drool.

"Hm, what are you looking at?" Ace said coldly.

"Gimme that fish!" She replied, stomach growling.

"No! Get you own!"

"I can't swim, stupid!"

"Too bad." Ace was finishing up the fish when Sabo looked at the rubber girl. She was making a sad, pouty face. "Ah geez," Sabo sighed. "What can you do?" Sabo threw the tail towards her.

"I…wanted the whole fish," She said, swallowing the tail. Ace got up, annoyed by her. "Why are you so round?"

"I ate a devil fruit!" She boasted. "You're like a balloon." Ace sneered. He kicker her upwards and launched her to Sabo. "Hey, she's like a ball!" Sabo kicked her back to Ace. "Stop kicking me!" She told them. After a minute, the two kicked her up to the sky and ran off.

"Come back!" She yelled. "I'm gonna kick your asses!" The two laughed all the way to the jungle. There, Ace tried every trick in the book to deter the young girl away from him and Sabo. Knocking trees down in her path to even pushing her off a bridge, Ace wanted nothing to do with young Luffiko.

A week later, the young rubber girl came to the porch of Dadan's house, in a scarred mess.

"Luffiko, what the hell happened to you?!" The mountain bandit yelled.

"I fell down a bridge and some wolves had their way with me." Everyone jumped up in shock. "I told them I was too cute to eat, but they went and chomped on me anyways." She made a cute, sad face. Everyone fell for her charm. Ace made a face.

"She lied…?"

The next day, the quest for Ace's acknowledgement continued. And each day, Luffiko kept getting shunned and shunned. Be it casually asking to be friends or even trying her cutest puppy dog face, it only resulted in denial, and for the latter, a punch to the face. Said action resulted in a fist of scolding love by their grandfather, Monkey D. Garp.

"You, hitting girls?!" He yelled at his grandson.

"It's okay, gramps!" Luffiko said, defending her. "With my rubber body, I can't feel punches at all!" She smiled. Garp inherently knocked her on the head. A nice sized lump developed. "Gramps, that hurt!" She cried loudly.

"What have I done?!" He picked her up. "Don't cry, Luffi! My little future Marine!"

"I'm gonna be a pirate!"

"No grandkid of mine is gonna be a pirate!" He began stretching her face up and down. "Stop stretching her like that, you old bastard!" Ace yelled.

"Bastard?!" He continued to scold his grandchildren all throughout the day.

"We'll need a nice ship, and a sturdy one at that," Sabo said to Ace. The two were talking about sailing out to sea. A noise came from the bushes. It was Luffiko.

"Hey, Ace! Sabo!" She smiled. "Hey, Luffiko!" Sabo greeted her. "Where's the treasure?" Ace grew tense and grabbed the girl. "What do you know about it?!"

"Nothing! That's why I asked!"

"If she finds out…"

Luffiko was tied to a tree. "Don't do this to me, Ace!" She yelled. "You meanie!" "We can't just leave her here." Sabo said. She smiled at him.

"Right. We should kill her." Her face went into a horrible pan. "ACE IS GONNA KILL ME!" She began to bawl her eyes out, screaming aloud. "YOU'RE NOT MY FRIEND AT ALL!" A noise was heard nearby. Ace and Sabo hid, leaving Luffiko tied to the tree.

"I HATE YOU ACE I HATE YOU SO MUCH!" She was bawling loudly. Suddenly a large shadow was over her. It was a scary looking man with a group behind him.

"It's Porchemy!" Sabo said. "We have to help her."

"You, did you mention Ace?" He asked. Luffiko pouted her lips out and looked away.

"No."

"You're lying to me."

"No I'm not."

Porchemy growled. "If you won't talk, then I'll make you talk!" The brute took away the young rubber girl. "They're taking her away!" Sabo yelled. "Ace, we can't let him hurt Luffiko!"

Ace gritted his teeth.

At an abandoned house, Luffiko was tied to a rope hanging from the ceiling. "I'm not saying anything to you," Luffiko said. She pouted at the brute.

"I'm gonna smash you flat!" Porchemy yelled, picking up a hammer. "I'll still be cute, so nyeh!" Some of the men with him double over from the cuteness. Porchemy slammed the hammer as best as he could with all his might. But the rubber girl was unscathed. 

"Told you so!"

"You…you're a devil fruit user, aren't you?" He pulled her nose. "Yeah," She said stuffily. "I ate one! So what?!" Porchemy went and got a pair of spiked gloves. Luffiko saw them and quivered in fear.

"Tell me where Ace is!"

"No!"

As Porchemy went for a punch, he stopped. Luffiko made a cute face. "Y-you wouldn't punch a cute little girl like me, would you mister?" Some of his men swooned over her but Porchemy immediately punched her in the face.

She screamed loudly. "It hurts!" Porchemy continued to punch the girl over and over. But no matter how much he hit her, she didn't budge or tell the whereabouts of Ace.

"I've had enough of this," Porchemy said, pulling out a sword. Blood, sweat and tears covered the ground under the rubber girl. Suddenly, Ace and Sabo came to the scene, coming to rescue her.

"Luffi!"

"There they are!" Porchemy went to confront them but the boys were too fast with him. Somehow, they even managed to defeat the hulking tyrant.

Later that night, Ace came to Luffiko in a huff.

"What did you tell him!?" He demanded.

"Nothing!" She replied, sniffling. Her face was covered in bruises. "He ruined my cute face…" "You didn't say a word at all? Why?"

"Because I want to be friends with you," She confessed. "I don't have anyone else, and there aren't any other girls around, so you and Sabo are the only ones I can go to." Under her wounds was that cute face that even Porchemy could resist. Ace looked at her and saw her sincerity.

Okay, he said. I'll be there for you. And Sabo, too.

"Right!"

The rubber girl smiled; having gained the friendship she so yearned for.


	2. Chapter 2

A week after the incident, the rubber girl was as bouncy and happy as can be. Ace called from below.

"Luffi! Come on already! Breakfast ain't gonna catch itself!" Luffiko came down, eager to be a part of the hunt. "Hey, Luffi!" Sabo said.

"Hiya Sabo!" She replied, smiling a big smile. The three went to the lake, encountering a crocodile. Sabo and Ace immediately leapt to it with their pipes, but the rubber girl was winding up her arm. "I'll give that dinosaur one of my punches," She said. "It's as strong as a pistol! Gum-Gum…" She shot it towards the crocodile but ended up launching herself into its mouth.

"Ah, Luffi!" Ace went and put the pipe upright, keeping the beast from eating the rubber girl. Sabo went and grabbed her from its mouth. She stared at him throughout the whole rescue.

"So cool…" Sabo put her on the ground and went to assist Ace.

"What kind of punch was that?!" Ace yelled. "You almost got eaten!"

"Shut up! I still gotta work on it!" "You're weak! Dumb girl!"

"Dumb boy!" Luffiko blew a raspberry. "Now, now," Sabo said. "Luffi here will get stronger." He turned to her. "Right?"

"Right!" She smiled at him. "Lemme see that scab on your arm. She pulled away. "I want Sabo to look at it," She demanded. "Me?" She turned to him and smiled. Ace made a face. "Typical." The three took the kill to the bandits, who then celebrated all night long with a big feast.

Sabo and Ace jumped into the bath. Behind them, was Luffiko. "Wait for me-" She stopped. "Oh, I almost forgot." Ace looked at her angrily.

"Yeah, get outta here!"

"I can't swim!" She sat down on the stool. "No, you're a girl!" Ace told her.

"So what?"

"Boys have their bathrooms, and girls have theirs!"

"So what?" Luffiko washed her hair. "You don't have jewels, so you can't be in here!" "What are jewels," Luffy asked. Ace got out the barrel.

"These!" His crotch shined brightly. "If you have these, you're a man! If not, you're a girl!" Luffiko gasped. "Wow! So if I get some jewels, I'll be a man too!" She leapt towards Ace. "Gimme yours!" "Get out!" Luffi pouted. "Sabo, can I have your jewels?"

"Sorry, Luffi," Sabo replied. "You just can't take a man's jewels. It's a part of who we are. They're more precious than anything in the world."

"Even salad?"

"Especially salad." Luffiko nodded and understood his words.

The three children spent their days fighting large creatures, sparring amongst themselves and being carefree, enjoying themselves throughout. The three came to the cliff they look out from and talked of their dreams.

"To be free," Ace said.

"To go out to sea!" Sabo said. Luffiko was smiling. "Well, Luffi? What's your dream?" She grinned. "I'm gonna be…" A wave crashed. The two boys looked at her with shock. She smiled.

In their shack, Ace was opening a bottle of sake.

"If we share a drink, we'll officially be brothers!" He told Sabo. "But what about her," Sabo replied, referring to Luffiko. "Well, she'll be our younger sister!" Luffiko smiled. The three took the cups and toasted, officially sealing their fates together.

"Even when we're separated, we'll still be family!" Luffiko looked a little worried. "If we're family, then that means…" She trailed off. "Luffi?"

"Oh nothing," She said. "Let's go get dinner!"

The three ventured as usual with a stronger bond. One day they decided to go town, in disguise. They were carrying a crocodile skin. The skin didn't net them as much as they thought, but it was enough for a spree at the ramen shop Sabo told the two about. When they came in, Sabo showed a crest, validating his position as a paying customer.

"Wow, this is really good!" Ace said, eating. Luffiko was slurping the broth down faster than usual, enjoying its flavor. "More!" Sabo covered her mouth.

"More please," Sabo said, disguising his voice.

"More!"

"More!"

"More!"

Eventually, the waitress noticed something was off and got the manager. The three kids fled out of the window. Everyone looked at them. One of the spectators took a look at Sabo.

"Sabo…son?" Sabo saw him and looked away. "Who was that," Ace asked. "Nothing, I don't know him." The three made it back to the Gray Terminal. "That ramen was amazing," Luffiko said, still excited. "I knew you'd like it," Sabo replied. "You still got some of the soup on your face." Sabo wiped it off. She started to blush a little.

"I remember seeing some deer near the lake this morning," Ace said, talking to Sabo. Luffiko looked at her brother, and blushed more.

"I don't care if he's my brother." She said. "When I grow up, I'm not just gonna become just THAT, but also…" She looked at Sabo again. "Hey, Luffi." Ace called out to her. "You coming?" She ran to the two.

"I'm gonna marry Sabo!"


	3. Chapter 3

One day, the trio of siblings were digging in the Gray Terminal, some soldiers from the town came to them. With them was the man from before, claiming to be Sabo's father.

"Sabo, it IS you." He said.

"Father?"

Ace and Luffiko were confused. "What's going on?" "You are to come back home and stop playing this silly game," Sabo's father told him. Bluejam, Porchemy's captain was with him. "Now, you wouldn't want anything to happen to your two friends, would you?" Bluejam was sneering. "Especially not that cute little one with the straw hat…" Luffiko blushed a little, with the pose to match.

"How cute…" Some of the soldiers fell for her. "Sabo clenched his teeth." Ace came to them. "You aren't taking Sabo!" He said. "Yeah, he's our brother!" Bluejam came to them. "Don't try anything. You two are gonna work for me now." He grinned. "And should you try anything funny…"

"…And I won't tell you again." Sabo gave in to his father's request. "I'll go with you," He said. "Just leave them alone." Sabo was escorted by his father and the soldiers.

"Sabo!" Luffiko yelled out. He turned to her. "Don't go!" Sabo got shoved away. He could only bite his lip and cry, having lost two dear people close to him. Luffiko began to cry. "Ace, why are they taking Sabo?" "Hey, dry your eyes brat!" Bluejam yelled. "It's time to get you two situated." Luffiko only blubbered, tears and snot dripping from her face. Ace grabbed his collar.

"You stay away from my sister, asshole." Bluejam gave him a look. "Who do you think you're talking to, kid?" He gave an ominous look. Ace replied with one as well.

The two were doing odd jobs with Bluejam's crew. Luffiko was trying her best not to cry. "You gotta be strong, Luffi." Ace told her. "Sabo would tell you the same thing."

Said individual would try to break out of his home countless times, not wanting to adapt to the studying, bias towards his adoptive brother and giving up his dream to go out to sea. A few days later, it was revealed a Celestial Dragon would be coming to Goa Kingdom. And along with said visit, was another underhanded scheme…

Said odd job Ace and Luffiko were doing was actually all part of a plan to burn the Gray Terminal to ashes. Sabo, upon hearing of this tried his best to get the word out to everyone living there. But he was always captured and subdued before he could.

The night of the fire, everyone was trying their best to escape. The two kids managed to escape. However, Bluejam came to them with the intent to kill them. Ace tossed the rubber girl aside and told her to flee.

"I can't!" She pleaded. "I'll fight with you! I'm strong as well!"

"NO! Go to the forest!"

"I've already lost one brother, I'm not losing another!" From the shadows, came Dadan. "Kid, listen to Ace," She said. "I'll fight him in your place." Luffiko was taken by the other bandits. She yelled loudly, trying to wiggle out of their grasp.

At the hut, she was sobbing loudly, throwing a tantrum. "ACE IS GONNA DIE AND I'LL BE ALL ALONE!" "Now, now Luffi. You won't be alone." Dogura told her. "You have us!"

She looked at them and sobbed even louder, causing a tremor. "Settle down." She shoved the bandits away, knocking them off their feet. "Whoa, she's strong!" Luffiko spent all night causing a ruckus. Finally, she fell asleep.

When she woke up, she saw Ace and Dadan, wounded. "…Ace! Ace!" She ran and jumped in his arms. "You're not dead!"

"I wasn't gonna die from that, stupid!" He told her. "I'm invincible! I can't die!" Luffiko kept crying, holding him tightly.

That same morning, a large ship came to Goa. It was the ship of the Celestial Dragon coming to visit. In the crowd of people was a cloaked man with a sharp glare. Dogura was also amongst the crowd. Near the ship, was Sabo sailing a small boat.

"It's a beautiful day to set sail!" He said, optimistically. The Dragon on the boat saw the boat and shot at it, destroying it and Sabo in the process. Everyone, including Sabo's family witnessed it.

A few hours later, Dogura came back to the site. Luffiko came to him. "Dogura? What's wrong?"

"I…I saw Sabo…" The rubber girl's face lit up. "…He was on a ship…it got... shot down by the Celestial Dragon that was visiting…"

In the hut, Ace was ready to kill him. "It's true! I saw it with my own eyes!" Dogura pleaded. "Sabo was murdered by that Dragon! No trace of him was left behind!" Ace couldn't believe it. He ran into the forest. Luffiko however, was a bigger wreck. She was at the point of exploding. Everyone took cover except Dadan.

"What are you all worrying about?" She asked. Luffiko began crying nonstop, accompanied with a tantrum, destroying the floor underneath. "Oi, oi! Stop destroying my house dammit!" She went to grab the girl when she held onto the support beam, stretching in the process.

"Stupid bandit, you don't know anything!" She yelled.

"What was that?!"

"I loved Sabo! I loved him lots!"

"So did Ace and everyone here! That's no excuse to destroy my house!"

"No, I mean…" She stopped crying. "I was…I was…" Tears fell from her eyes.

"I was gonna marry Sabo!" Everyone gasped. "She had a crush…" Dadan calmed down. "Now I'll have to settle for Ace!" She continued crying. "Well, at least you have a chance at finding someone." The bandit told her. Suddenly a flash went in her head. "I'd better go get her consolation prize. At least she deserves that." Dadan went to get Ace.

The two siblings mourned their fallen brother for days. Finally, having the will to move on, they made a vow to head out to sea, and live like Sabo was going to. Luffiko looked at Ace, worried that she'll lose him too.

"Don't worry. Your big brother can't let his baby sis live alone in this world!" He told her with a smile. She smiled back. "There's that smile of yours, it's so cute!" He pinched her cheeks, stretching them along with her face. "Stop that, Ace!"

The two kept training themselves in the forest, the Gray Terminal and the city inside of it, fighting, stealing, looting and the like. From the hottest days, to the coldest nights and so on, they kept growing and growing. At some point, the two children were now adolescents.

Ace was now seventeen and Luffiko, fourteen. The former was strong, and willing to go all out. The latter, was slowly blossoming into a beautiful young woman. Her chest kept popping out of her shirt, making notable distractions to some of the thieves and scoundrels at the Terminal.

"Geez, Luffi. You oughta get some clothes that fit!" Ace said, eating a yam. "Well, I can't help it if my boobs are this big!" She said, squeezing them. "Well, you'll need more than your feminine features after today." She looked at Ace.

"Right, you're leaving for the sea tomorrow." She looked down. "Remember what Sabo said. No matter where we are, we still have our bond!"

"Of course, I can't forget that," She said, remembering her brother and childhood crush. "Well, don't you worry about me; my punch is as strong as a pistol!"

The next day, Ace finally set sail. Everyone saw him off. "Remember our promise, Luffi!"

"You bet!" She waved as he disappeared in the horizon. Now, Luffiko was the only one left. "It's sure lonely now without Ace," She said. "Well, I can't just be the cute little girl that waits for everyone to save her." She spun her arm around. "Time to get to work!" She smiled.

"I'm gonna be Queen of the Pirates!"


	4. Chapter 4

When the rubber girl and future Pirate Queen Luffiko reached age seventeen, she finally set off for her adventure. Before leaving, she shared a heartfelt goodbye to her adoptive mother, Curly Dadan, who was already in tears knowing she was going to be leaving after her brother.

Everyone at the village saw her off. Shortly after she set sail, a monstrous fish emerged. It was the Lord of the Coast. She looked at him.

"Hey, let me through," She pleaded. "I'm going on an adventure!" The Lord of the Coast went for the attack. With diplomacy failing, the rubber woman stretched her arm out.

"Gum-Gum Pistol!" She fired a punch so quick and powerful it beat the sea monster in one hit. "I told you to let me through! Dumb fish!" She gave a then-unknown Tashigiface. "Okay, I'd say I should get a crew next! About ten people, maybe? And then…I'll need a flag!"

Amidst her trip, she got sucked into a whirlpool and hid in the one barrel that lay in her ship. Sometime later on, someone grabbed it, a small, dumpy kid with glasses. When he opened the barrel, out came the rubber woman. Everyone was shocked by her appearance. "Finally, I'm out of that barrel!" She said, looking around. "Where am I?"

"You're…what were you doing there?" The boy asked. "I'm out on an adventure! Hey, can I borrow this ship?" "Get her!" The pirates came after her, but she defeated them effortlessly.

"Wow, you're strong lady!" The dumpy boy said. "Sure I am! My name is Monkey D. Luffiko! But just call me Luffi! And yours?"

"I'm…Coby." He replied meekly. "Coby, huh? You look kinda weak." He sulked. "You're brutally honest, Luffi." "I know! The future Pirate Queen has to be!"

"The…PIRATE QUEEN!?" Coby held his mouth. "That's impossible! You can't possibly do that! It's dangerous, and stupid. No way, uh-uh, not at all, can't happen-" Luffiko hit him. "Why'd you do that?"

"Because." Her stomach started growling. "Got anything to eat?" "The title of Pirate King-I mean Queen is proof you're the greatest pirate of all time!" Coby told her. "You don't even have a ship or a crew!"

"I'm gonna get those," She told him. "But who should I get?" She thought for a moment.

To make a long story short, a crew led by the Pirate Queen would be one to remember. After all, what kind of people wouldn't want such a cute lady as a captain?

"I'm not gonna become a pirate!" Said a man tied to a plank. It was the Pirate Hunter, Roronoa Zoro. "Why not? Is it because I'm a girl?" Luffiko asked. "No, it's not that at all…" Zoro trailed off, looking at the rubber woman making a worrisome expression.

"What is she doing?" Coby said to himself.

Somehow, someway, the rubber woman got the Pirate Hunter on her team. "I guess that kid isn't coming along," Zoro asked. "No, he's gonna be a marine," Luffy said. "A cute little guy like him will be chewed out in a minute." She puffed her face.

"I hate pirates!" Said a young woman, with red hair. "They steal, they destroy, and they kill innocent people…" She glared at the rubber woman. "But you're stealing. That makes you a pirate!"

"Nuh-uh! It's different with me!"

"No it isn't!"

"Is so!"

"Is not!"

"So!"

"Not!"

"You aren't cute." The redhead told Luffiko, who took offense to the remark. "Am so!"

"Are not!"

"Am too!" Luffiko puffed her face. "I'm not doing this with you. I'll never be a pirate! And I'm not traveling with the likes of you!"

"Wow, you really have that many followers!?" The rubber woman asked. "You dumb broad, he's lying!" From the shrubs, came a scrawny man with a notably long nose. "Ah, so you've caught on to my ruse, have you?"

"You're not so tough," Luffiko said. She charged up a punch, striking the man.

"Wow, who is this lovely lady!?" Said the Bartender with the curly brow. "I'm Luffiko, the woman who'll become the Pirate Queen!" She took off the apron. "Hey, can I leave? I can't stay here for a whole year."

"Sure thing! Go on ahead!"

"And you're a cook, right? I need you, too."

"But of course! I'll happily cook for you, mademoiselle!"

"Look here, fish guy! I may not know how to use swords, or lie, or cook, or even read a map." She looked at Arlong fiercely. "But there IS one thing I can do…" She put her finger on her lip. "I can beg you not to hurt my cute face." Everyone swooned for her, except for Zoro, Usopp, Nami and Arlong, who was actually angered by such said gesture.

"You're a disgrace to the word pirate!" He yelled.

"So that's a no?" Luffiko asked. "Alright, you had your chance, fish guy." After the fight, resulting in Arlong's base being destroyed, the rubber woman surfaced from the wreckage!

"Nami!" She yelled.

"You're my best gal pal!" She winked with a thumbs up. Nami did the same.

With five members, the Straw Hat Pirates finally assembled. They would go on ahead to Lougetown, the site where the Pirate King, Gold Roger was executed. There, they met a Vice Admiral with smoke powers aptly named Smoker. He managed to pin down the rubber woman. However, from the shadows, came a hooded figure.

"…It's you."

"I can't have you doing this, now can I?" A flash of thunder appeared, showing the man's face. "Attacking such a cute girl, you marines have no standards!"


	5. Chapter 5

The Straw Hat Pirates made their way to the Reverse Mountain, which led to the infamous Grand Line. However, down the end of the mountain, was a large black obstruction. It was actually a large Island Whale. On its head, were large, deep scars. A collision with the ship caused Merry's head to pop off, singling the gradual damage the ship would take.

While the whale attempted to attack Luffiko, who scolded him for destroying Merry's head, everyone was ready to attack her for her sheer stupidity when she stopped.

"Look at you, your head is bleeding!" She said, as a gash proceeded to glop more blood than Kirito's mana reserves. Luffiko then proceeded to fill the wound with Merry's mast. Everyone stood silently in shock.

"We haven't been in the Grand Line a full day and our ship is already in tatters." Sanji said. Usopp was in tears.

"Listen, one day I'll come back and see you," The rubber woman said to the island whale. "You better be in good form for our rematch!" She went and gave him a light peck. Laboon bellowed, knowing he had a new adversary.

"You're a what?!"

"I'm a…princess." It was the Baroque Works agent, Miss All Wednesday. With her, was a spot-billed duck named Carue. Her true alias was Nefetari Vivi.

"Wow, a princess?" Luffiko looked at her with sparkles. "You must have the good life, living it up fancy and stuff! I wish I were a princess…" Vivi coddled Carue. "I was trying to find information on the leader of Baroque Works. I've managed to obtain the information, but I warn you, you can't know who he is."

"Why not?"

"Because if you should find out that the leader of Baroque Works, Mr. 0 also known as a pirate named Crocodile, the consequences will be dangerous."

A small pause was had as scribbling noises were heard. It was an otter sketching the three Straw Hats, Luffiko, Nami and Zoro. "Hey, that looks really good!" Nami said, instantly flipping out afterward. The Otter flew away on the vulture behind him. Vivi was frozen in shock over her carelessness. "You dumbass, we're gonna die!" Nami shook her roughly.

"Well, we've got a challenge now!" Zoro said, snickering. "Yeah, if I beat this Croc's ass, I can live in Vivi's palace!" Luffiko stated, grinning. "Shut up, you two!" Nami fell down in tears. "How could tonight get any worse?"

"You don't decide this ship's course!" Luffiko said to a tall, dark and handsome man. Mr. All Sunday (You've went with the story this long, don't complain), the partner of Mr. 0/Crocodile.

"Well, it's your call," He said, tipping his hat. "Your next location in that case is Little Garden." He went on his steed next to Merry. "Why are you doing this?" Vivi asked the mysterious man. "Because, I can't help it if I come across such cute young women out on this dangerous sea." He stared at Luffiko, who pouted at him.

To make a long story short, Vivi and Carue were traveling with the Straw Hats, they made it to Little Garden, had some fun with each other, met two giants, fought the Agents from Whiskey Peak, yadda yadda yadda.

Nami, having been bitten by a tick became sick and was rushed to Drum Island. There, they met a violent doctrine and a human reindeer named Chopper. Upon one look at him, she instantly fell in love. She ran to him, arms open. However, he ran away from her.

"Wait, don't run!" She called. "Sanji, help me catch that bear!"

"I'm a reindeer, you bitch!" He replied. "Venison," Sanji said. "First you marinate it, and then you cook it lightly for around 20 minutes. When done, let it sit for two minutes." Luffiko's face vagina watered. Chopper had a look of death on his face.

Yadda, yadda, yadda there was a king; Luffiko beat his ass, Chopper joined, end of discussion. Nami felt better. Now onward to Alabasta. There, was a particular man, looking for the Rubber Woman. He was in a restaurant, when suddenly, he collapsed. Everyone crowded around him. In another restaurant, Luffiko and Usopp were demanding water. Near them, were Smoker and Tashigi of the Marines, talking of the situation in Alabasta regarding Crocodile. Smoker got fed up with their bantering.

"Will you two be…" He trailed off. The two noticed him, and spat out the water they were drinking in the process. They fled the scene. Later on, Luffiko was hungry. She left back for the restaurant she got the water from. In it, Smoker was fighting with the man, who was actually Ace, Luffiko's older brother. "Our powers aren't doing anything to each other," Smoker said.

"You're right," Ace replied, smiling. From outside, Luffiko came in, slamming the two into the wall. She demanded food immediately. The two came from the rubble. As Ace noticed his kid sister, Smoker got up and pursued her.

"It's you, Straw Hat." He said stoically. She saw him and greeted him muffled. She kept eating as he kept talking. Finally he got fed up again and went for the attack.

"Hey, I'm not finished!" She grabbed the rest of the food, dishes and all and swallowed it up. She fled the scene, but Smoker was too fast. Suddenly, Ace came into the picture, saving her. "You're really gonna go after a lady like that, Smoker?" Ace replied.

"A pirate is a pirate," He replied. Luffiko attempted to attack, but couldn't get a hit in. "I just can't hit him!" Ace came to the picture. "Let me handle this, Luffi!"

The Rubber woman looked in shock as her brother appeared, not seeing him since he left out three years ago.

"…ACE?!" Ace charged up his fire and Smoker spread his smoke all over the proximity. Luffiko fled the scene. She was going back to her crew when he showed up.

"You're still as reckless as ever." He smiled. She looked at him with the widest smile she'd ever flash. "It's really you!" She ran into his arms. "You're really amazing, Ace!"

"You too. I heard about your little tie-in with the Marines. Thirty Million?"

"Yep, I'm getting there, slowly but surely!" Ace pulled out a canteen. He drank some and passed it to Luffiko, who drank the rest of it hastily. "Wait, you're drinking it too fast!" They fiddled over the canteen, eventually grappling, testing their strength.

"You're not just some weak girl anymore."

"Damn right I'm not!" The two collapsed over their own power. They looked at each other and laughed, embracing each other's company.


	6. Chapter 6

"Hm? What's this thing?" Luffiko asked.

"It's just a token of my appreciation," Ace replied. It was a white sheet of some sort. "You can always find me with that, no matter how far away." Luffiko put it in her hat. "Well, I guess this is where we part ways. You guys take care of my sis here, okay?" The male members of the Straw Hats nodded in respect. "Who knows, she may just fall for one of you."

"Not happening!" Zoro yelled.

"Eh, not my thing," Usopp replied.

"I'm not attracted to humans." Chopper replied.

"I'd take a bullet for Luffi-swan~" Sanji replied, lovestruck. "Ace, don't do that! My crew is my family; I'd never go that far with them." She told him. Ace laughed and went on ahead towards his destination. "I wonder how bad that Blackbeard guy is," Vivi asked.

"Ace'll be okay," Luffiko told her. "He's really strong!"

"And nothing like you. You're exact opposites!"

So, to make this story short, the crew went on ahead to various parts of the country, and yadda yadda things happened, blood was spilt, things were said and done, and Luffiko finally met Crocodile. The two fought, the rubber woman lost and was tossed aside to the desert.

A light shined, and the rubber woman awoke to Mr. All Sunday. "Monkey D. Luffiko," He said to her. "What is your purpose for stopping Crocodile?"

"To be able to live in that big palace of hers…" She replied weakly. "…I'm hungry…"

After eating her share of salad (and other food), things happened, rematch with Crocodile. She knows of his weakness, gets some hits in but ultimately loses to his right hand. But her dumb luck saved her, and she went on to pursue him.

"Third time's the charm!"

And it was. Crocodile was defeated at the hands of a rookie, and with that Alabasta was saved and Crocodile, who was actually a Warlord, was revoked of his title. The other Straw Hats did their part and took care of his comrades. One of which was a crossdresser named Bon Clay. But that's for another time.

The Straw Hats celebrated their victory with a large feast at Vivi's palace, which Luffiko was amazed by. She even got to be princess for a day (Again, another story for another time). All was well…

…until they left. Not having the princess and her lucky ducky around made things lonelier. But as quickly as they mourned their loss, from the cabin came a familiar face.

"Wait, it's…" It was Mr. All Sunday, who's actual name was Nico Robin. "You, the swordsman," He said. "I'm gonna borrow some of your clothes." "Who the hell are you?" He yelled. "Just a friendly face." He smiled. He looked at Nami. "Well, hello there young lady." He edged closer. "Care to have a drink with me?" Sanji ran to him, attempting to kick him. However, he sprouted arms.

"Now, now. I told you I'm a friendly face," He said to Sanji, keeping his composure. "Damn you, you think you can come on our ship and just make yourself comfortable?" "Well, it's all thanks to your cutie of a captain there that I'm here." Luffiko looked at him.

"What'd I do to you?"

"You know what you did. You rescued me from that chamber when I wanted to die." He looked at the sky. "You gave me another chance at life, young lady. And because of that, I have nowhere else to go." He turned to her.

"So, let me on your crew."

"Hm, I guess it can't be helped. Okay." Everyone flipped out.

"Don't worry, it'll be okay!" She smiled. With that, there were now seven Straw Hats, all led by the rubber woman, Monkey D. Luffiko. From this point, they would go to encounter strange beings and events. Eventually, they made their way to Jaya, a town filled with crooks, pirates and the like. One particular pirate made a name for herself.

"The name's Bella! Bella the Hyena!" She was a blonde, coarse woman with a psycho face and considerable body. "You really think something like an island in the sky could exist? How stupid!"

"It isn't stupid!" Luffiko yelled. "It sounds like a fun place to visit!"

"Fun?" She stopped for a moment. Everyone in the bar laughed. Luffiko blushed while still looking agitated. Nami and Zoro were at the side, watching.

"Fun? This sea has a lot of things, but fun isn't one of them," Bella explained. "Fun, dreams, all that bullshit you spout is outdated, a thing of the past, irrelevant in this new age we're living in." Luffiko looked at her and calmed down.

Suddenly, a punch was thrown to the rubber woman. "Pathetic. Get out of my face!" Luffiko wiped her face and grew fierce.

"That's it, your ass is mine!" The two began scrapping in the bar, with all the men hooting and egging them on. Zoro shook his head and took a nap. "Wake me when it's over," He told Nami.

"Wait, what the- what do you want me to do?!"

"I dunno, help her or something." He snored. The fight grew bloody and nasty. Finally, the two stopped. Luffiko was scraped, but Bella was in worse condition. "What the hell are you?"

"I'm the woman who's gonna be the Pirate Queen!" She took her hat from Nami. "Zoro, wake up!" He did just that. "Oh, it's over already?" "Yep, she lost. Let's go to the sky island already!" Zoro got up and went with his crew. "Nice boyfriend." Said Rochelle, Bella's right hand (wo)man. Zoro made a face.

"It's not like that." Luffiko turned to her. "You know, you ruined my cute face! Stupid hamster!"

"Hyena, brat!" Bella's face was considerably worse. "Get out of my sight."

"Okay. See ya!" As the three left, a large man sitting on the middle of the floor called out to them. "You got some spunk, kid!" He said. The man in question was huge, with missing teeth and a smile that bore his shame. "That new era that woman was talking about is all shit. Don't even pay it a bit of mind." He bit into a cherry pie.

And don't you pay any mind that I'm skipping most of this arc to get to the one most important thing towards this whole concept…


	7. Chapter 7

"Usopp, you're not a shipwright!" Luffiko yelled.

"And…Merry isn't a person! You can't love a ship!"

"But I do love her!" Usopp yelled back. "You don't get it, do you?!" "I get it, alright. You would rather love that ship than me."

The ship was dead silent. "Love you?! Where did you get that notion from!?" "When you and I were fishing that day, we were talking about what we wanted to do when we found One Piece!"

"I'd like to find a nice girl, tell her all about my tales and woo her with my bravery!" The sniper said. "Like, I'd tell her when I took out that damn mole woman with my five-ton hammer!

"Wow, five tons?!"

"Yep, it was a hard fight. I got injured all over my body. But I prevailed!" Luffiko looked at Usopp with sparkly eyes, admiring his lies. "That's not how it happened, you actually got-" Usopp held Chopper's mouth. "Shh, I'm on a roll here!"

"Were you just saying that?" Usopp turned away. "…There are more important things than some girl's dumb fantasy," He said. Luffiko looked enraged.

"Dumb fantasy?!" She grabbed him. "You're getting on my nerves! You lie, you run away when we get in a situation, what kind of man are you!?"

"Luffi, stop this!" Chopper said, worried about Usopp's injuries. "I can't be friends with someone who isn't honest! You can just leave-" Nami grabbed Luffiko's ears, stretching them. "What are you about to say?!" She told her captain.

Luffiko put her hat on. "I'm sorry.

"No, it's fine," Usopp said. Nami walked to him. "She's too naïve to realize these things," She said, kissing the Sniper.

"What?!"

"You really thought Usopp was trying to woo_ you_ of all people?" She gave Luffiko a sharp look. "You may have some cuteness to you, but you don't have the head for it. Women like you will fall for any man that makes a half-hearted attempt at love, if you could even call it that." Luffiko glared at Nami. However, Sanji was in tears.

"Nami, you're already taken?!" He blurted. "Ah, shut up," Zoro told him. "This whole thing is just stupid. You're all fighting over a lie and a ship. Take some time to cool off." Luffiko adjusted her hat. "Fine, we can settle this one way." She turned to Usopp.

"It's either me, or her." Sanji went to Usopp. "Pick Luffi, Usopp! Let me have Nami-Swan's heart!"

"I don't want Luffi," Usopp said. Sanji was crushed. "I want Merry to be well. And it's obvious you don't care for anyone but yourself." Luffiko paused, stunned at his comment. "I think I should leave this crew." Everyone else became stunned by this sudden announcement. "What are you saying?!"

"I can't go around being in a harem I want no part in." He turned to Nami. "Sorry, but I think this is where we see other people." Nami looked devastated. "Wait, what about all the fun we had sneaking behind everyone?" "Well, there's always Sanji." The Cook sprung up in joy. Or Zoro, who looked exceptionally annoyed by what his crew, was going through.

"No." Luffiko went to Zoro, and then looked at Nami.

"He's mine, bitch." She pouted at him.

"WHAT?!"

"I DON'T WANT HIM!"

"Nami-Swan!" Nami punched the Cook away. "This is absurd! We're falling apart over this idiot's lies!" "Don't worry, I'm already leaving." Usopp left the quarters of Merry, with Chopper and Nami trying their best to stop him. But it was futile.

Nami fell to the floor. "This is all your fault," She muttered. "You just had to be reckless with the money, didn't you?"

"What the does the money have to do with this?"

"If you just kept your mouth shut, and not swing the damn briefcases around, he wouldn't have taken them from you, and maybe those thugs wouldn't have gone after _him_ instead."

"It's his fault for being weak," Luffiko stated. "Besides, I'm too cute for that type of thing!"

Nami went berserk and attacked the rubber woman. "That's enough, you two!" Zoro yelled, finally intervening. "This whole matter has gotten out of hand. We need a new ship, and we need to find Robin, wherever he is. But we don't need to be at each other's necks for trivial matters!" There was a tense silence in the room.

"You're right, Zoro," Luffiko said. "I picked the right man for the job." She smiled, and winked at the Pirate Hunter.

"You didn't get a single word I was saying!"

Later, Chopper came back to the Going Merry. "I tried to get Usopp to come back," He said, in tears. "But he told to me to go away and…tell the others...

That won't be coming back to the crew! Everyone looked shocked.

Now, yadda yadda, some words were exchanged, Usopp cut ties with the Straw Hats, blah-blah, there was an iceberg, Robin fired a cannon at it, people got mad.

REALLY mad.

Fast forward to Usopp's whereabouts, he was with the leader of the thugs who beat him, Franky. He was a strange man with a strange-shaped nose, chin and forearms. With him, were two women who were even stranger with square afros.

"Someone's at the door," The red sister said. A small bell rang outside. Both sisters came to the door, and were sent flying away from it. A man kicked them away.

(…Did I mention that CP9 all got genderbent? No? Well, now you know.)

ANYWAY, the man with glasses adjusted them. "Wait a minute," Franky said, outraged."  
The secretary? Roberta Lucci? Kakki?"

"Blueno from the Bar?"

(Well, not Blueno.)

"What's going on here!?"

"We're here for you, Cutty Flam." Lucci said. "Your cronies weren't too kind to us, young, flowering women in waiting." On her shoulder, was Hattori, the pigeon. "We've come for you, now." Long story short, Franky resisted, bodied Blueno, was subdued along with Mr. Long Nose.

"Hm? Wasn't this that ship I evaluated?" Kakki said. "Wait, what are you going to do with Merry," Usopp pleaded. "Your ship is no good. I may have been undercover, but I was genuine in my diagnosis." She explained. "This ship cannot sail anymore." She took it off the hook and casted it to the seas.

Fast forward to Luffiko finding out Robin wasn't a whale killer-I mean iceberg incinerator, she gains motivation to rescue him, busting out of that building. Zoro, stuck in a Chimney was stopped by Chopper, who was mortified by the sight.

Fast-forward to the train station, there was another train for use: The Rocket Man! With its speed, the remaining Straw Hats, Galley-La group and Franky Family team up to save their beloveds. But before that…

"Now, I know we've had some bad blood, you jerks for beating up Usopp, mainly!" She yelled. "But we've got bigger fish to fry. We have to save Robin from that Pigeon Lady and all those other jerks!" She grabbed Paulie's arm, who grabbed Zambai's arm, forming their alliance.

"Now, group hug!" She wrapped her arms around the two, smiling.

Meanwhile, Sanji was on stealth mode, following CP9. "What are those beautiful women going with Robin?" He asked. "I wonder if I can get a date with the curly-haired one!" He acted goofily.

Robin was being escorted to his car. Roberta Lucci went to him. "You better rest up Nico," She said. "You're going to be in for a world of pain." She rolled her hand down his arm, smiling devilishly.

"Lulu, that's sexual haraaaaaaaaaaasment." Cliff said, saucily.


	8. Chapter 8

Well, the forces of Rocket Man made their way to Enies Lobby, Sanji, sneaking on the Puffing Tom met up with Usopp and Franky and made a plan to save last living inhabitant of Ohara, some things happen, they meet up with Robin, Robin tells them to go away, scared of the well-dressed assassins.

Meanwhile, the rubber woman was changing her pants in front of everyone. The Galley-La was bleeding at the nose, as they saw her do so. Next to her, was Nami changing her outfit as well.

"Stop looking at those harlots, you bastards!" Paulie yelled, guilty of doing the exact same thing. "There wasn't anywhere else to change!" Nami said to Paulie. Luffiko didn't mind, grabbing some lettuce and stuffing it in her pants pockets.

"Why are you doing that?!" Zoro asked.

"Well, why not? I need the energy for my new moves!" She hinted. "But, I may need some meat for THAT move." She took a piece of meat and stuffed it in her chest.

"Don't put that there!" Nami yelled at her. Luffiko's shirt popped open. "Whoops." The Galley-La men and Zambai keeled over with bloody noses.

Back on the Puffing Tom, the three were overpowered by CP9, and Robin's lack of will wanting to leave their side. Sanji however was more focused on Roberta Lucci, hearts in his eyes. Hattori cocked his head.

"Now, my dear lady," He said to her. "I need to ask you to let our friend go. He's important to us, but my captain especially wants him back." He smiled. Roberta swiftly kicked him in the gut. "Nico Robin's existence is a crime. He needs to be eliminated, as an enemy of the World Government." Sanji looked at her from above and made a goofy face.

"You can eliminate me any day!" Robin looked at him and smiled lightly. Franky, however had a plan. His shades shined.

Later on, Sanji and Usopp, now wearing a mask made it back to the Straw Hats.

"Hey, who's this guy with you?" Luffiko asked. Cue the Sogeking theme song.

"Wow! A superhero!" Luffiko and Chopper were enticed. Everyone else wasn't fooled. Nami walked to him. "So, you're Sogeking," She said. "I think I may fall for you." He started to sweat. "That wouldn't be fair to Usopp, dear maiden!"

"Screw Usopp, I'm ready to see other people!" His heart quivered. Paulie was still distraught over his cohorts being agents. "I don't believe it they did what they did," He said. "Are you sure it was them, Cook?"

"Yep," Sanji replied."That assistant of Iceberg, Cliff was there. And Roberta…" He began to swoon. "Roberta had curly hair, dark red lipstick and black satin from top to bottom. And Kakki-Chan, what a cutie! She reminds me of Usopp with her nose, though." He turned to Sogeking.

"Can I marry your sister?"

"She's not my sister, idiot!" He yelled. "Ahem-I mean, you will have to take that up with Usopp." Luffiko thought for a minute. "Where did Usopp go, anyway?"

"He's fine. He made it back safely and told me to watch over you all!" "Good," Luffiko nodded. She walked to the bag of food and began pulling at an onion.

"I miss Usopp!" She said, crying. "Stupid onion!" Chopper started crying as well. Nami looked down. "If only he were here with us." She sighed.

"Will you three get it together!?" Zoro yelled.

Back at the Puffing Tom, Robin was being watched by Blueno, who stood near the car door. Franky was across from him. "Bro, what's the deal with you and CP9, anyway?" He asked.

"It's a long story," He said, looking out the window. "That Buster Call he mentioned…" He started to sweat. "It's horrible…" Franky looked at him, focused. "I don't want them to suffer that fate, to abandon me…"

The next day, or when they reached Enies Lobby, all hell broke loose. The rubber woman took it upon herself to infiltrate the stronghold by herself. Marines finally recognized her and went all out. Everyone got angry for her hastiness.

A good number of casualties later, Luffiko made it to Blueno. "Bull guy!"

"You won't get Nico Robin, Straw Hat."

"I'll get Rob back, and kick your ass in the process! And that Pigeon Lady, too!" A fight broke out and the two were matched. "Guess I'll need to use that." She began to pump her legs up, her body steaming. Her shirt unbuttoned, showing her cleavage. "This isn't a beach party. You'll have to do better than-" He was cut off by a sudden punch. Luffiko smiled.

"This is the second gear!"

A few moments later, Blueno was beaten. Luffiko's body returned to normal. "Phew." She wiped her head, and then flashed a peace sign.

"It worked!" She smiled. "But I'm hungry." She pulled out the meat from her chest. She bit into it. "Mmmm, this is amazing! I never thought meat could taste so good!" She then ate the lettuce in her pockets.

"Well, Blue-boy was beaten," Cliff said, adjusting his glasses. "He was much too hasty," Roberta Lucci said. "But I _am_ interested in that rubber woman." She sneered. "Well, I gotta give her some credit," Jyabura said.

"She hits pretty hard. For a girl, anyway." "What's that supposed to mean?!" Kakki said. "Yoyoi! Jyabura hates that Lucci got stronger than him!" Kumadori bounced to the left.

Lone wolf, so mighty

Yet weaker than Roberta

Howl ever so loudly

Jyabura punched his cohort away.

Later on, the rest of the Straw Hats made it to their captain. "Oh, you guys made it!" Zoro pinched Luffiko's cheek. "Why'd you go and have all the fun without us?!" All of CP9 came to the veranda, looking down at the six-man crew. Franky and Robin were with them.

"Robin! We came for you!" Luffiko yelled. "Are you okay?" Nami yelled. Chopper growled. Spanda came front and center. "Foolish pirates! You think you can just come here and do what you please?"

"Give Rob back!"

"He's not going anywhere." She sneered. "He's going to tell us all he knows about the poneglyphs, and then when it's all over…" She laughed even harder. "You can't take down the World Government! We're composed of over 170 nations all over the seas, united by that very flag! And we…"

"Sogeking."

"Shoot that flag." "Right." Sogeking pulled out his Kabuto. "…for when that day finally comes-"

"Firebird Star!" The bullet went straight to the flag, burning it. Everyone looked at it, shocked. "Rob!" Luffiko called out. "You make the decision! Say you want to live!" He looked at his crew, the only crew in which he could call family, and began to cry. He smiled.

"I WANNA LIVE! TAKE ME OUT TO SEA WITH YOU!" Everyone, reassured was ready to get their comrade back. "Oh boy, now we can get started!" Jyabura said, wiping his mouth. "What a show of bravery," Roberta said. "Spanda, I'm coming with you. That Rubber brat will surely come for Robin herself. And I can't let that happen." She wrapped her arm around Robin's.

"Hey, let go of him!" Luffiko yelled. Roberta turned and licked her lips. Steam came from Luffiko's nose.

"That bitch is going down!"


	9. Chapter 9

"I have to thank you guys for showing up," Luffiko said, panting. She was at her limit with Roberta Lucci, in her leopard form. "I can finally use these moves I've been developing." She inhaled and blew into her thumb. Her arm expanded.

"The power in my bones transfers from one arm…to another!" As she transferred the air to her left arm, it inflated her chest instead. "Whoa, hold on!" Roberta looked at her opponent.

"What an indecent technique," She said. "You're straining your body, shortening your lifespan." Finally, the air went to her arm. "Now, Gum-Gum…"

"Tekkai!"

"Gigant Pistol!"

The hit connected, breaking the tekkai. Roberta Lucci was sent flying to a warship. However, as quickly as she inflated herself, she started to shrink. "Aw, I hate using this move," She said, now a young girl. "She's coming back!"

"Come on, Nico Robin!" Spanda was pulling Robin from his arms, to no effect. "Dammit, stop being stubborn!" She grabbed his hair. "You don't want this pretty, long, dark…" She held it in her hands, smelling it. She sighed. Robin looked at the CP9 executive, disgusted.

"When is this nightmare going to end!?" He thought.

Right now.

Sogeking, from atop the tower snipes the masked woman, Franky freed Robin, Robin began to headlock all the marines and Spanda, who enjoyed said torment, Luffiko was taking major hits from Roberta Lucci, Usopp appeared from out of nowhere, encouraging his ex-captain to keep fighting. She stands up and tries her best.

Meanwhile, the Straw Hats were on their last leg, fighting all the marines and enduring the Buster Call. Finally, the rubber woman came up and let one last attack out, with all her heart: The Jet Gatling. Roberta couldn't block the barrage, taking in all the hits. She was beaten. But as quickly as she defeated her, she was exhausted, and unable to move. Usopp was looking at his ex-captain, worried when a voice appeared. It was the Going Merry, coming to save her comrades. Everyone jumped off the last piece of land and towards their ship. Everyone was happy and safe…

…until a large snap was heard, and felt. The Merry's time was nigh. She could no longer sail.

The Straw Hats gave Merry a funeral, sending her off. A voice was heard.

"…I was never trying to take him from you."

"What?"

"I was never trying to take him from you. He only wanted to save me as best as he could…Don't be mad at him."

"But…he was an idiot! Why did he get so defensive when I tried to tell him-" She stopped, tearing up even more. "I'm so stupid. How could I not notice that?" She turned to Nami, who was also crying. "You deserve him more than I do," She thought. She gave a thumbs up.

"Good luck, Nami!" Merry fell apart from the flames.

"Merry!" Uso-I mean, Sogeking was leaving a trail of drool, snot and tears down from his mask. Zoro stepped away from him, disgusted. He bumped into Nami. "Sorry." She grabbed on him, welled up with tears. Sanji noticed.

"Hey, Marimo! Not the time for that!"

"I'm not doing anything to her!"

"You liar, taking advantage of sweet Nami!"

"She latched onto me!"

"Dammit, switch with me!"

"Will you two shut up?!" Franky said, bawling. "Your ship is trying to thank you for remembering it!"

"Why are you crying?!" Both yelled. Robin watched at the three were arguing. He couldn't help but shed a tear himself. "It's good to be home," He thought, forming arms around them. He got them in a headlock.

"You all are gigantic idiots!" Luffiko yelled, crying her eyes out. "Especially YOU!"

The next day, things were back to normal. The crew was resting from their adventure at the stronghold and to celebrate, Sanji began grilling outside. Some people noticed and came to the scene. Eventually, everyone was eating and having fun. Even the mysterious Sogeking appeared, along with Admiral Aokiji, who silently stayed in the shadows, watching Nico Robin. The other Straw Hats were egging Luffiko on as she shoved chopsticks up her nose, her mouth full of food.

"Robin, give this a try!" She called out to him. "No, Robin! Don't do such a thing!" He smiled. "I guess I could give it a try," He said, happy to be with his comrades.

"Oh, is that so?" Luffiko said. "Yep, he wants to come back," Sanji said. Nami and Chopper were ecstatic, but Luffiko wasn't amused. "Hmph. We needed his help saving Robin, and he wasn't anywhere to be found." She grew angry.

"Where was he when we were fighting all those government idiots!?"

"Where was he when we were trying to escape? All of the fleeing he does and the one time we choose to flee and he isn't there!"

"And when we sent Merry off…" She trailed off. Zoro shook his head. "But Luffi, he was-"

"Shut up! He just left us all of a sudden. I don't want him to come back! He can die for all I care!" Outside of the window, Usopp was there, having heard the whole rant.

The next day, the new wanted posters came. Everyone had a bounty, including Franky. The Rubber Woman was now at an astonishing B300,000,000 bounty, Zoro behind her at B120,000,000. The Marines were in town, specifically targeting the Straw Hats. Leading them, was Monkey D. Garp, Luffi's grandfather. She panicked. "Zoro, hide!" Garp saw his granddaughter.

"AH! THERE YOU ARE!" He dashed to her. Zoro tried to stop him, but a strange figure came to the old Marine's defense, wielding two blades. Behind him, was another being, with pink hair. He used the Six Techniques CP9 used. Luffiko saw him and attacked. Seeing her arm stretch, he stopped.

"L-Luffiko?" The voice clicked in her head.

"…Coby?!" She started to smile. "Zoro, that's Coby!" Zoro recognized his old associate. "Huh, it's been a while." Luffiko pulled Coby to her and hugged him tightly. "Look at you! You're so tall now and quite the looker…" Coby blushed. She slapped his back. "But even then, you're still the same weakling I knew back in East Blue." He sulked.

"Um, who's this guy?"

"It's me," He said, flustered.

"…Me who?"

"Helmeppo!" Luffi and Zoro looked at him and were clueless. "Doesn't ring a bell." The shaded swordsman sulked. Behind him, was an angry Garp.

"So you know these two, eh?" Everyone got chills down their spines. Luffiko hid behind Zoro. "Move out the way, kid." Garp flung Zoro to the side. He got Luffiko and squeezed tight, hugging her.

"Gramps, that hurts!" She pleaded. He punched her in the head. She screamed in pain. Everyone came outside.

"There's nothing painful about a fist of love," He told her. The welt looked pretty bad. "Oh, how could I hit my only granddaughter?" He kissed her boo-boo and hugged her.

"Wait a minute," Zoro said. "Did you just say…"

"Yep. This is my Grandpa."

He smiled. "Nice to meet you! I'm Vice Admiral, Monkey D. Garp." He laughed. Everyone was shocked by the sudden reveal.


	10. Chapter 10

Franky was crying nonstop, holding his crotch. Attached to it, was Luffiko's hand, stretched from her arm.

"Luffiko, you don't have to neuter the poor man!" Robin protested.

"I didn't grab him that hard..."

"Okay, okay! I'll join you!" He was in tears, spinning around on the ground. "He's… acting. He seems to be okay, for the most part." From a distance, The Franky Family looked at their brother, saddened to see him go.

Franky then joined the Straw Hats, at the risk of his manhood. With him, came their new ship, a large ship with a lion's head. It was dubbed Sunny Go.

As everyone prepared to leave, Usopp went to see them off, though he remembered Luffilko's rant. He stood there, looking at his former crew leaving.

"Dammit, Gramps is trying to capture us!" Luffiko said. Franky turned to his newfound captain. "Hey, what about the long-nosed bro," He asked. "Isn't he coming along?" Luffiko puffed her face and breathed.

"What long-nosed dumbass?!"

From the Marine ship, Garp was throwing cannonballs. The force of his throws was enough to detonate them and explode upon contact. The Straw Hats defended the Sunny Go as best as they could. "Luffi, we can't keep doing this forever!" Zoro said. Chopper smelled the air. His eyes lit up.

"It's him, it's him!" Luffiko quickly turned around and saw from afar, Usopp. She smiled but quickly turned away. "Keep defending the ship!" She yelled, inflating herself to deflect a cannonball. Usopp looked distant, wondering if his former comrades would really leave without him. Chopper stood at the edge, calling out to him. Luffiko, not showing it was waiting for him. Usopp moved closer to the shore.

"Hey, you guys aren't going to leave without the great Captain Usopp, are you?" He said. "Nami, Chopper, Zoro?" He got down to his knees.

"…Luffi?" The Rubber Woman turned around and looked at Usopp.

"Usopp?"

"I…I…I'm sorry."

"What did he say-"

"I'M SORRYYYYYYYYYY!" He shouted, face covered with snot, drool and tears. "I'm sorry for leading you on like that! I'm with Nami, but I can't live without you, Pirate Queen!" From afar, Luffiko stretched her arm out. She was slobbering and crying.

"YOU BASTARD, I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO COME BACK! GET ON THIS SHIP NOW!" Usopp grabbed her hand and launched straight into her. She was holding him tightly, crying. Chopper leapt onto the two, crying just as heavily. Everyone smiled, Nami shedding a tear.

"Now, let's get out of here!" Franky prepared the Coup de Burst, and suddenly, the ship fired off into the sky.

Meanwhile, on an island not too far away, the Whitebeard Commander, and brother of Monkey D. Luffiko, Portagas D. Ace finally reached his quarry, Marshal D. Teach, otherwise known as Blackbeard.

"So, you're finally here to join me, eh?"

"Nah, I'm here to avenge Thatch!"

"What? That was all in the past, let it go." Behind the burly brute, were his crewmates, watching from the sidelines. "Speaking of which, your sister just got a nice bounty on her head, 300 million berries! I think after we're done with you, we'll go on and capture her!"

"Not gonna happen!" Ace went on the attack, striking Blackbeard with his flames. He was writhing in pain. "You're kidding me if you think I'll let you get my kid sister!"

"I actually met her a while back…cute thing. I may make her my woman!" Ace grew serious. "Not if I have anything to say about it!" The two exchanged blows left and right. However, Blackbeard began to emit a black aura from his body. When he grabbed Ace, he chopped him on the neck, said hit connecting.

"This is the power of the Yami-Yami Fruit!" He said, growing blacker and blacker by the minute. Everyone who evacuated from the town saw from a distance the aura emanating from him. Ace went all out with his best attack, the Pokémon Entei. The entire island was covered in a struggle between fire and darkness.

But in the end, it was the darkness that won.

Meanwhile, back with the Straw Hats, the Rubber Woman in question climbed aboard a rickety ship. She looked around. To her surprise, a skeleton with a suit and an even more noticeable afro was on board.

"What the…are you a…"

"I am. I'm a skeleton," He said. "It's a joy to see another human after for so long, it makes my heart warm." He paused.

"Oh, though I have no heart. Yohohohohoho!" His laugh stood out, jolly and upbeat. Luffiko smiled, enticed by the sight. Nami and Sanji followed her. "Luffi, don't just go climbing-" Nami froze seeing the skeleton.

"WHAT IS THAT?" She fell over. Sanji stared at him, just as surprised. "Do you have a name?" Sanji asked. "Ah, my name is Brook." He poured a cup of tea. He turned to Luffiko.

"Madam, may I see your panties?"

"Sure." She undid her shorts and pulled them down. Sanji and Brook both shot blood from their noses. Nami slapped the rubber woman. "Pull your pants up!"

"What? He asked nicely." Brook held his face. "Nice, Madam. Basic white panties – simple but effective. I can die happily, though I am already dead." He laughed. "Hey, Brook! Join my crew!" Sanji got up. "Wait, what are you saying?"

"I like him! What do you say?"

Brook sipped his tea. "Okay."

Luffiko smiled and cheered aloud, having gained a new crewmate.


	11. Chapter 11

The entire Straw Hat team was blown away by their sudden newcomer. But as fun as it would be to see their antics, we need to speed this up so the author can return to making sick stories that make your face go Vivi.

"Hey, hey! If you had one place to go, where you go?" It was a very tall woman with a heavy set and upbeat personality. Across from her, was the Ghost Prince, Perone. "What the hell are you talking about," He said in a stoic tone. "Step aside." He summoned a bunch of ghosts, ready to attack the woman.

"Uh-uh! You didn't answer my question!" She said, pulling her glove off. On it was a pawprint of some sort. She then slapped the Ghost Prince with it, making him suddenly disappear. From the side, Nami was watching.

"He just…" She couldn't finish.

"You're the Cat Burglar, Nami right?" The big woman said, kneeling down to her. She became scared.

Later, she would meet the entire crew after Luffiko defeated Gecko Moria. "That's the Warlord, Barbara Kuma!" Said Lola, the heavy-set woman, who even a drunkard wouldn't lay with. She looked around at the group.

"You all seem to be in good spirits despite your scuffed up look," She said. "What a confident crew!" Everyone started to blush over her compliments. "But I gotta take your captain and turn her in to the World Government." Everyone got serious. "So whaddya say? Lemme take him, huh? Huh?"

"LIKE HELL WE WILL!"

Kuma became serious. "Then I'll have to take care of you all at once." She held up the air, condensing it into a ball of sort. When released, everyone had a blast, except Zoro.

"You're still alive," Kuma said, making a face. "I thought that would at least kill all of you." Zoro pulled out his swords and attacked. With her clothing sliced off, Kuma was actually revealed to be a cyborg, having cybernetics.

"What that-are you like Franky?!"

"No, I'm not a pervert, silly!"

"I DIDN'T MEAN THAT, I MEANT THAT FREAKY ASS SHOULDER!"

"Oh yeah, I'm a cyborg now. I can scan my targets and see if they have a bounty on their heads, like you, Pirate Hunter, Roronoa Zoro. Bounty: 120,000,000 Berries." She then turned to Luffy.

"Target, Straw Hat Luffiko. Bounty: 300,000,000 Berries." She did this all in an automated voice, then turned back to Zoro.

"Whirrrrrrrr! Beep."

"Stop playing around you stupid woman-robot!" Zoro grow angry and began to attack. Kuma bounced his blades off with her pawprints.

"You're eager to die! Okay, here's something for you to look at." She opened her mouth. A light came from her mouth. It was a beam, and it fired towards Zoro. He barely dodged it, but sustained some damage from its recoil. The beam was potent enough to melt steel.

"Hothothot!" Kuma was hopping up and down, having singed her mouth from the beam. She belched smoke from her mouth.

"Now that was smokin'!" Zoro was gritting his teeth at her buffoonery. "I'm at my limit…" Zoro looked her down. "You know ya can't win, right?" She held her hand on her hip. "So, can I get my target and go?"

Zoro stood by Luffiko. "I won't let you have her. She's gonna be the future Pirate Queen!" Kuma stared at the two for a minute.

"I see. You and her are lovers."

"Now where did you get that idea!?"

"I knew it," Said a voice. It was Sanji, whose wobbly legs would make Usopp's look like the ISIS hostages before they got beheaded. "You just had to be Mr. Hero, didn't you?" He lit a cigarette. "And now you're confessing your love to our captain?!" Zoro jabbed him with Yubashiri's hilt. Before Sanji fell, he grabbed his shoulder.

"I won't forgive…" He collapsed.

"Wow, he really liked lil' ol' Luffi, didn't he?" Kuma said. "Well, it's time for you to really show your loyalty to your missus." She grabbed Luffi and extracted her pain and fatigue with her powers. "I've collected all her pain and suffering into this…balloon?" She looked confused. "What do you think it is?" Zoro stood silently.

"Oh you're no help. She flicked her hand, which actually sent a little of the fatigue bubble to Zoro. He looked as it landed on him. Suddenly, his insides were being shredded and ruined. He was in severe pain.

"Wow! I never actually did this before, but I was told I could do it by Vegapunk! Neat!" Zoro collapsed, barely holding on. "You gotta take in all the pain, Roro."

"Wait, take me somewhere else." She did just that, with the fatigue bubble. "You're gonna die if you keep this up," She told him. "Shut up, I've made my mind." She gasped.

"What strong resolve for your lover. Wait, I gotta make an adjustment." Kuma formed the bubble into a heart.

"There. Now when you take it all in, you'll be-" Zoro jumped into the bubble without any hesitation.

Later, Sanji finally came to. He remembered what happened before he blacked out. He looked for Zoro. Finally, he found him, standing still, blood dripping all over his body.

"Well, you aren't dead, Marimo-" He stopped and saw the blood all over the place. It was like Rosie O' Donnell took a squat right where Zoro and let loose the Red Sea. "What happened here?!" Sanji yelled. "Why's all this blood here, what the hell was going on?" He looked at his cheek. There was a lipstick mark, but it looked like it was branded on him. Zoro stood silently, finally uttering two words:

Nothing…Nothing at all…!


	12. Chapter 12

"Guess who's baaaaaaack!" Behind the Pacifista, was the real Barbara Kuma. The Straw Hats, worn out from a battle with a previous Pacifista were at their limit.

"Ooooh, Kuma." Said a tall man, with a yellow outfit. It was one of the three admirals, Kizaru. "What brings you here?" He was fending off the second mate of Gold Roger, Silvers Rayleigh.

"Oh, just handling some business, boss! Give me a minute." She went to the Pacifista. "PX-2, lemme take care of them. Go home or something." Zoro, who was already wounded, was straining even harder. Sanji noticed. PX-2 came and was ready to capture the Pirate Hunter. However, the real Kuma intervened, hitting it with her hand.

"I said, go home! Damn machine." Everyone looked at her. "How was she able to…" Nami remembered her encounter with the Ghost Prince, Perone. "Careful, she can make you disappear in an instant!"

"What? No, I can't." Kuma said. "I just send people to places they like." She looked down to Zoro. "Soooo, where would you take a vacation, Zoro-baby?"

"Baby?" Luffiko said. "And what's wrong with…" She was cut off as her crewmate suddenly disappeared before her eyes. "Ta-da! Wanna know what happened to him? It's a secret."

"When Kuma hits someone with her hands, they fly somewhere for three days and three nights," A voice said. It was Sentomaru, Vegapunk's bodyguard.

"Shut up, fatty! You spoiled the surprise!" She gritted her teeth. "Oh, now I may as well swat 'em all and get it over with." And she did just that, targeting Brook, Usopp, Sanji, Franky, Nami, Chopper, who transformed into the terrifying monster from Enies Lobby and finally, Robin. Luffiko tried to grab Robin, but she was swatted away in the same moment.

"Oh, Nico Robin doesn't wear a bra," Kuma stated.

"Wait, really?" Luffiko shook her head. "Where'd you send my crew to?!"

Kuma put her arms behind her back and swayed. "Somewhere."

"…Like…"

"Somewhere."

"DAMMIT STOP PLAYING THESE GAMES!" The rubber woman, now steaming from Gear 2nd punched the tyrannical woman in the face. It left a slight dent.

"Now that's not very nice, Straw Hat." She became serious. "Where should I send you?" Luffiko backed away, scared.

"Hmm…I know! You'll love it! Readyyyyyyyyyyyyy…" She gritted her teeth, awaiting her fate. "You'll never see me again." She pouted. "But don't be sad, these things gotta happen!" She went for the rubber woman and…

Poof! Gone, was the entire Straw Hat crew. The bubbles of the Archipelago ascended into the air, bursting at a point. Rayleigh took out his flask. "Well, what's done is done," He said, walking off. Kuma went to Sentomaru.

"Alright fatso, let's get this over with. I'm ready." Sentomaru spat. "You're a piece of work, Kuma." "I-Is Vegapunk gonna alter…THAT place, too?" Kizaru's face widened, but remained unchanged.

The Straw Hats were covered in a strange aura, flying all over the Grand Line to various islands. Luffiko in particular was sent to a jungle island, an island known only to harbor men, the Island of Amazon Lily. The impact of her landing attracted the inhabitants. They all had snakes around their necks.

"It's a man…with sacks on his chest."

"The Amazing Tale of Where Did He Come From?"

"We'll need to bring him to Master Hancock."

In the center of the society was a large palace. There, lived the ruler of Amazon Lily, The Serpent King, Hancock. According to tales across the Grand Line, his handsomeness was unrivaled. Tall and dark, he stood above all, but never looked down on anyone. His valiancy could only be described as something that shines in the dark void that is the Grand Line.

And to the women, he holds a hidden charm, one that can swoon anyone of the opposite sex. But he does not find any woman particularly attractive and only uses them as tools, preferring to build on brotherhoods with men all over the world.

"I've heard a large thud outside," he said. Golden snake earrings gleamed from his ears. The men brought Luffiko to the palace, still unconscious. He gasped. "Where did you get her?"

"Wait, her…?"

"Yes. That is a woman." Everyone in the hall gasped. "A woman, brother?" Said the green-haired man with the snakeskin loincloth. "Yes, a woman. A woman has never stepped foot in this land until now…"

Luffiko came to. "W-where am I?" Everyone put up their arrows to her. "Huh? What's going on?"

"You have entered forbidden territory!" Hancock declared. "State your purpose here!" Luffiko stared at him for a moment.

"Wait, I'm supposed to go to Shabondy!" She pulled out the vivre card Rayleigh gave her. "I'm sorry, I gotta leave!" She turned around. "No, you'll serve your purpose as a woman to us." Luffiko turned to him and looked down.

"Is that a snake…" Hancock smiled, He batted away his loincloth, showing his hidden charm. Luffiko looked at it, and then the larger snake behind him.

"It doesn't move like that one." Hancock thought for a moment. "Ah, of course. It's been a while." Hancock's hidden charm began to stiffen and rise up. Luffiko looked at it in awe. "How do you do that? That's amazing!"

"Heh, snagged her." He thought. However, she still looked at it with twinkling eyes. "What? She's not turning to stone? But that's impossible! No woman can resist my charm…" He began to grow dizzy. "I'd better loosen up." His charm coiled back from wince it came.

"Aw, it went away."

"You, woman! What is your secret?"

"Me? It's no secret. I'm gonna be the Pirate Queen!"

"Oh? A woman wielding such a title? I'd be wrong if I didn't ask how you attempt to do that."

"I'm gonna do it, by any means necessary!"

"I've got a question," Said the blonde man with the leopard rags. "What are those strange bags on your chest?"

"These? They're boobs," She answered, feeling them.

"What are boobs?"

"They're bouncy things women have."

"Can I see them?"

"Hm, okay." She undid her shirt, showing her considerable bosom. Everyone gasped. "Nmy word, they're beautiful!" Said the advisor. Hancock looked at them silently. "Because I'm rubber, they're really bouncy and stretchy!" Everyone gasped, even Hancock looked surprised.

"They're like, dangling fleshy bags of meat!" Said the sharp-eyed man.

"The Amazing Tale of I Want To Eat Them!" Said the fat man. "Same here! Everyone pulled out knives. "WHAT? Nononononono! You can't cut my boobs off and eat them! That's nasty!" One warrior went closer and got punched in the face.

"What a violent woman!" Everyone pulled out their arrows. "Wait brothers," Hancock intervened. "Allow me to handle this in private." He stared at the Rubber Woman.

"You…you're no normal woman. You're a Devil Fruit user."

"That's right, I ate the Gum-Gum fruit," She replied. "I'm a rubber woman." "I see. What I'm about to tell you is something that cannot leave this room, understood?"

"Oh, sure thing."

"Good. For all of my life, I've been enticing all and every woman that crosses my path. But you, my dear are the exception. You do not turn into stone when I show my charm. You do not follow me in hopes of obtaining my great wealth. It's as if you don't have any interest in me whatsoever."

"I don't." Hancock looked shocked. "But surely, you jest. My handsomeness is unrivaled-"

"Don't care. I wanna go back to Shabondy to meet my crew!" Her stomach growled. "But first, I need to eat. A light flashed in Hancock's head.

"How about this? If I give you the grandest feast I can provide, will you see me as worthy of your attention?"

"Hmm, do you have to say it like that? I AM hungry, but I don't wanna marry you or anything." Hancock looked away, hurt by her remark. He sulked.

"I've done it now. I cannot break this woman's will. She's much too pure for such an act." He snapped out of it and stood up.

"So be it. I will give you your feast, free of charge!" Her eyes lit up. "Oh boy, a feast! I can't wait! I'm so hungry! I hope you have Sea King!" Hancock smiled. "For you, my dear, consider it done." She cheered loudly. He rubbed his snake's head and walked away.

"Yes, I'll give you a feast so delectable, so succulent you'll be wrapped around my finger…and perhaps something more."


	13. Chapter 13

The great banquet hall at Adonis Lily was filled with chatter and excitement over the rubber woman, Monkey D. Luffiko's appearance in the forbidden land. She especially was garnering attention.

"So, all women are stretchy like you?" Marcus, the blonde warrior asked. "No, just me. I ate a-" She stopped and remembered Hancock's words.

"Well, my condition is different from other women, let's put it that way." Her breasts were being poked by the other men. "Hey, knock that off!" She said with food in her cheeks.

"So cute…"

"Sorry, we've never seen such beautiful orbs of meat!" One said. "They're not meat, but they are kinda like meat. Kinda."

Later on, the rubber woman was the life of the party, dancing, singing and doing that strange chopstick thing her male counterpart does…

Marcus took an interest to her. At that point, the men began to squeeze her meat bags. "Get in line, now! Squeeze the Amazing Rubber Woman Luffiko for only 10G!" Luffiko grew angry. "Get outta here with that!" Marcus grabbed her. "I'll get you out of here," He told her. The two ran atop the rooftops to the palace. "You're really something, Luffiko," Marcus said, smirking.

The two made it to the palace. There, was Advisor Nyewt. "Nyou've made quite an impact on our little society, ryubber girl." He told her. "There's a lot going on in the wyorld, today. Your nyame is all over the newspaper." He showed her the article regarding the Enies Lobby incident. Luffi chuckled. "I got a new bounty from that one!"

"And not only that, but things couldn't be any worse for the Marines." He picked up the recent paper.

"WHAT? THE WHITEBEARD PIRATES ARE GOING TO WAR WITH THE MARINES?!" She calmed down with some of the tea on the table.

"So it would seem. Aynd in response, they're going to execute one of Whitebeard's commanders, Portagas D. Ace." Luffiko stared at Nyewt.

Hancock was eating dinner in his quarters. Suddenly, the door was being banged on loudly. "You can't come in here!" A voice yelled.

"Hammock!"

"HAMMOCK!" It was Luffiko. "Wait, that voice…"

"Let her in." The doors busted open, with the rubber woman crying her eyes out. "Dear Luffiko, what's the matter," He asked. She was covered in tears and snot.

"Aze is…Ace is…" She couldn't get her words out. "Ace is…?"

"Ace…is gonna be…" She started crying loudly. "Easy, easy, easy!" Hancock smiled. "Now, tell me what the matter is. Who's this Ace character you're worried about?" She wiped her nose. "Ace is my brother, my big brother."

"Brother?" Hancock thought. "He's one of Whitebeard's commanders…the one that's going to be executed…"

"And...he's gonna be executed!" She pulled out the Vivre Card Ace gave her and showed it to Hancock. "Fire Fist Ace is your brother?!"

"He is. You gotta help me, Hammock! Please!"

"Cock, it's Han-cock." He said. "And I'll happily help you in saving your brother. That marine ship is still docked, I'll take the opportunity to take you to where they're holding him." She smiled. "Thank you, Hancock! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She grabbed him tightly.

Yes, if I help you save your brother, you'll be smitten by me, He thought. And in addition to that, helping a fellow man in his time of need, especially one with such a cute sister is always worth raising some hell.

"We'll need to leave immediately," He told her. "And I'll need to take some precautions. His snake, Salome followed him.

All the men on the island gave their farewells to their brother. "Luffi, come back anytime!" Marcus yelled. She gave her regards as the ship left.

"Now, you'll need to get on my back," Hancock said. Luffiko climbed on his back and went under his hair. Her chest pressed on his back.

"My word," He said. "Her bosom is incomparable." The ship made it to a Marine battleship. On it was a woman with a magenta ponytail. The rest of her head was shaved. "So you've decided to come along, Hancock," She said with a cigarette in her mouth.

"Vice Admiral Mona, it's good to see you too." He said. "I'll join your silly war, on one condition."

"Hm? What's that?"

"I need to see the prisoner in question, the one you intend to execute, Portagas D. Ace." The other marines watched them talk. They were all women. "I can do that," She said, taking a drag. "Now before we depart, I need to check you over." Hancock looked at her.

"But of course." From behind, Luffiko was looking worried. "Wait, what are you doing, Hammock?"

"What's the matter, Hancock? You seem distracted." He smirked.

"Oh, it's just the wind. It's very chilly…" Some of the marines screamed. However, the screams were not of terror or pain. "What's the matter?!" She turned around to Hancock, and looked down.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?!"

"It's just me, dear Mona. You need to search me, right? I have nothing to hide. I could use your warm…touch." The entire crew turned into stone. Mona pulled her sword out. "You bastard, what are you trying?!"

"It is not my fault your subordinates lack discipline," He said. "I was born this way, and I have to play with the hand I was dealt. But that doesn't mean you can't play as well…" He edged over to her, as she gradually grew flustered. Suddenly a growl was heard. Hancock looked back.

"Get your ass in that bunker. And this snake…"

"He's with me. Come, Salome." From under his hair, Luffiko held on, silent as a mouse. "Dear Luffiko, that was too close." He whispered. "Your breasts are rubbing on my entire back. I almost took her eye out."

"I'm hungry. When can we eat?"


	14. Chapter 14

Within the course of a few days, the battleship escorting Luffiko and Hancock made its destination to Impel Down. There, Hancock was able to make it to lowest level, where they held the commander of the first division of the Whitebeard Pirates, Portagas D. Ace. Next to him in the shadows, was the Son of the Sea, the warlord Jinbe.

"They've put you here, too." Hancock said to the hulking Fishman. "I refuse to fight against Whitebeard!" He told him. "I'm not fond of fighting in this war myself, but I have information to share with you, Fire Fist Ace." He kneeled down to him and uttered something. Jinbe looked surprised, but compared to Ace, it was miniscule.

"She's…WHAT?"

The Rubber woman managed to make it down to Level Four, before meeting her match against the warden of Impel Down, Magellan. Along the way, they reunited with some of his former enemies, Buggy the Clown, Galdino "Mr. 3" and Bon Clay "Mr. 2". They made an attempt to go after her in Level Five, a cold, desolate wasteland. But unknown to them, would another face appear before them. One with a face indeed…

"Heeeeee-Haw!" It was a man(?)wearing heavy makeup and a suggestive leotard. "Vi'm the ruler of Okamaland, Emporio Ivankou!" He hee-haw'ed again as everyone cheered. Bon Clay had the rubber woman in his arms, critically injured by Magellan's poison. The infamous revolutionary looked her up and down. Immedietely she(?)began operating on her.

In the midst of it all, Bon Clay cheered on his friend, hoping for her safety.

"GANBARE!"

"Ganbare, Miss Straw Hat!" He cried for hours on end. Everyone joined in, giving their support. Suddenly, a scream was heard. Ivankou came out from the room.

"FOOOOD!" A voice yelled. It was Luffiko.

"FOOOOD!" Someone turned back. "Wait, was that…" Ivankou came to Bon Clay. "She'll ve okay, for about a day. Though, Vi had some…trouble with the other one…"

"Wait, what other one?" As the Newkamalanders came with the food, one arm stretched out to grab it, and then another. And suddenly a third and fourth arm appeared.

"What, what did you do to her?"

"I had to take drastic measures…" He looked at the cave.

SOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Finally, the rubber woman came out from the cave. But behind her, was someone else, a man. "Wow, that was something else," She said. "I know, I had to rip myself out of you!" He replied. He looked just like Luffiko.

"Wait a minute, are you…"

"You're…"

"ME!" They looked at each other. "Wow, I haven't been this shocked since that thunder god guy said he loved me after I beat him up."

"Hey," The male Luffi said. "You like meat, right?"

"No, I like salad!"

"What about cherry pies?"

"Hate 'em!"

"Same here, especially from THAT place."

"Yeah, that place sucks! But I do like Sea King."

"Same here! I really LOVE Sea King meat!"

"But overall…"

"I LOVE TO EAT!" Both yelled. They looked at each other and Luffiko hugged her male counterpart. "I love you!" She said, happy. "But what should I call you?"

"Call me Luffy!"

"But Luffi's my name."

"Hmm, why not Bro?"

"Hm, okay! Big Bro Luffy it is!" She was jumping up and down. "We really need to save Ace so we can have a big party, with me, you, him, my nakama and maybe Grandpa and Dad, too."

"We have a dad?"

"Yep. Gramps told me he was a revolutionary guy, Dragon something."

Ivankou came to the two. "Vi need to hurry uppwhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaat?!" His(?)face shot up. "Vyour dad is Monkey D. Dragon?!"

"Yeah, that was it!"

"Wow, he must be really strong!"

"We need to go, now! Ace's execution is in a few hours!"

"Wait, I need some clothes!" Luffy asked.

Everyone rallied up and charged outside to Impel Down. "Hey, wanna wear my Straw Hat?" Luffiko told her newfound brother. "Sure!" She put it on his head, with the biggest smile. Buggy and Galdino met up with the group. They were shocked to see two Monkey D's.

"Neat, huh? A guy named Shanks gave it to me."

They went down to where Ace was, Level 6. No one, except for the Warlord Jinbe was there. Amongst him in the other cells was Crocodlie, laughing at the situation they were in.

"It's you," She said, angry. "Oh, the cute pirate, Straw Hat Luffiko." He noticed Luffy. "And you have a twin? Now that's hilarious, two idiots trying to take on the World Government!" He laughed in his trademark monotone tone…yeah.

"Vell, if it isn't Croco-boy!" He stopped. "Or should I say, Croco-gi-" His face tensed. "Well, you'll find out some day." By some strange whim, Crocodile joined the group. And with knowledge of Jinbe's overall history with Ace, he was freed and teamed up with them.

"So, you're Luffi…" He looked at the rubber woman. "You're a fishman, like Arlong!"

"Ah, I heard of your run in with him. Let me just say thank you for beating him." He stared her down. "Now let's go save your brother." The newly formed group went onward to the surface. However at Level 4, they were stopped. Shadows came from all over. From the doorway, came the man with scurvy, known as Blackbeard, his crew behind him.

"Well, look at this! We got ourselves a full house, guys!" He said, laughing. "It's that guy with the missing teeth," Luffiko said. He saw her. "It's you! Straw Hat Luffiko!"

"Hi." She waved casually. "All alone with these men down here? You're setting up yourself for something bad. "But don't worry, I'll protect…" He looked at Luffy, picking his nose.

"You have a boyfriend? Shoot, and I was gonna make you my woman." Luffi made a face. "Well, fancy seeing you here Teach," Jinbe said. Or should I say,

Blackbeard? Luffi looked at him with a shocked face. "He's the one who captured…"

"Yeah, that was me, baby! No hard feelings, right?" Luffy silently went to the grizzled pirate, and punched him in the stomach. "Leave my sister alone, you ugly bastard!" The look he gave actually spooked Blackbeard.

"That's my bro!"


	15. Chapter 15

"Why, Bon-Chan? Why?" Pleaded Luffiko, teary-eyed alongside her brother. Everyone was crying for him, sacrificing himself so the others could make their way to Marineford, the one arc that opened the floodgates for a lot of One Piece 'fans'.

"_Even in the depths of Hell…blooms a beautiful flower of friendship."_

Bentham proceeded to counter Magellan as his comrades sailed away. Jinbe was steering.

"I'm gonna miss Bon-Chan," Luffiko said, tearing up. "I remember when we first met…" Luffy said, trailing off. "Wait, I was born this morning!"

"We can't let Mr. Okama's sacrifice be in vain," Jinbe said. "You two will have to push hard if you want to save Ace." The two looked at one another.

"You can count on us!"

"I'm too cute to die out here!" Luffiko was clinging onto Whitebeard's leg, crying. "Grandpa Whitebeard, please save Ace! I can't take on all of those men at once!" Explosions, weapons and shouts filled the entirety of Marineford. Everyone was battling it out, notably one person in particular. "Young lady, this isn't the place for girls such as yourself," He said. "You'll only serve as a liability."

"That's my bro!" Luffiko said. Luffy was fighting nonstop, trying to get to Ace. "If he can do it, so can I!" She dashed and went on behind him.

"Wait, is that…" Garp looked from afar. "Luffi? But that's a boy…"

"Ace! I'm coming to save you!" Luffy yelled.

"What? Luffi's a boy?"

"Ace! I'm coming, too!"

"GAH, LUFFI! WHY ARE YOU HERE?!" Garp went apeshit over seeing her. "Garp, your granddaughter has been making a name for herself as of late," Sengoku, his close comrade told him. "I'm not surprised she came here for Ace. But all of the others who are with her…" With her, was Emporio Ivankou, Crocodile, Mr. 1 and 3, Buggy, Jinbe and of course the doppelganger made from Ivankou's hormones.

Above Garp and Sengoku were the three Admirals, Aokiji, Kizaru and Akainu, who wore all red. Her face was as stern as stern gets. "I think it's time for me to make my move," She said, standing up.

"Oh, Sakazu," Kizaru said in his unaware and delayed tone. "Don't burn our comrades, now."

"For Absolute Justice, sacrifices must be made!" Her fist bubbled up with magma. She fired the bubbles into the air, and then they came crashing down on the battlefield. Everyone was attacked indiscriminately. Two marines in particular noticed her wrath.

"Isn't that…" It was Helmeppo and Coby, hiding behind a cannon.

"Admiral Akainu! Word has it she's so brutal because she can't find a man who can take her red-hot…well…" Coby looked at him.

"Well, it's…I can't say, really." He blushed.

"Damn that bratty woman," Whitebeard said. He began to punch the sky, cracking it in the process. This was the Tremor-Tremor fruit, and it was intense enough to stop the magma bubbles. Down on the battlefield was Luffy, fighting his all. Behind him was Luffiko.

"Two Straw Hats?" A marine said. "Who should we capture?"

"Him, go for him," Luffiko yelled.

"What the hell are you trying to pull?!"

"I'm too cute to get attacked!" Luffy launched upwards to where Ace was. Unbeknownst to him, was a man with scissors for hands alongside Hancock.

"Wait, are you…" Hancock looked at him.

"You are. Dear Luffiko's brother, in the flesh!"

"Who are you?" He asked. "My name is Hancock, and I'm the man who will be marrying your sister." "Oh, really? Congratulations!" Hancock pulled out a key from his ear. "Here, it's for Ace's shackles." Smoker saw the two talking and intercepted, but was stopped by Luffiko.

"Hey, Smokey! Leave my brother alone!" Smoker stared at her. "Straw Hat has a brother…?" Behind him was Tashigi. "Oh, my! The resemblance is uncanny!"

The man with scissors made a way for Luffy. He dashed to Ace, who was surprised by his efforts. But from behind, came Garp.

"You aren't my grandson!" Garp yelled. "I have a cute granddaughter that's about to get beaten by-" He jumped over Luffy. "Hey, you!" He was pointing to Smoker, who had her pinned down.

"Vice Admiral Garp! I have Straw Hat apprehended-" Garp punched him. "Get your damn hands off my cute Luffiko!" Tashigi held her mouth in shock. "The hero of the Marines is the grandfather of Straw Hat?" Luffiko coughed a bit. "Oh, my sweet, dear granddaughter!"

"Grandpa?"

"Don't worry, you won't have to fight anymore. We'll get you back home after we execute Ace, and-"

"No! I'm gonna save Ace!" She went to the platform, but saw a golden figure above him. Luffy was fighting him off.

"You're going to let them kill Ace!? I thought he was your family! You'll let your own flesh and blood die like this?!" Garp looked away. "You always hit us, and yell because we don't do what you want us to do."

"You don't love us at all!" The words uttered hit Garp harder than any attack an enemy could unleash. But it was only one of the many things that would put a hole into Garp's heart.

Oh wait, that describes Ace! Yohohohohohoho!

"His fire was hot, but I'm hotter!" Akainu said, staring down at Ace, who was mortally wounded. "A girl like you couldn't do a thing to save your brother," She said, smiling. "And for that other brother of yours…" Luffiko was in shock over Ace's condition. But the next sight to behold would break her very spirit. Luffy, the male double was melting into a mess.

"It just happened all of a sudden…" He said, gurgling. "Bro! Not you, too!" "I just started melting and well, I don't think I'm gonna make it…" She was trembling.

"All of you pirates are scum! Absolute Justice must prevail at all costs!" Ace coughed. "Sis…it's getting dark…I want to thank you…" His grip was loosening.

"…for loving me…" He smiled, finally succumbing to his wound. With Ace dead, and her short-lived twin in a pile of liquid rubber, her mind went blank. Ivankou noticed this and went to help her. Jinbe went to assist her as well. Akainu noticed and went for Luffiko.

"If I let Ace's sister die…" Jinbe was holding back tears. He grabbed her but took a blow from Akainu. Luffiko by extension, was also hit.

Whitebeard, in critical condition himself went after the magma woman. She was terrified of his presence alone.

"Sakazu, brats like you make me glad I don't have any women aboard my crew!" He said to her. He grabbed her by the neck.

"How forceful you are," Sakazu said, visibly frightened. Whitebeard used his powers to deal a considerable blow. However, his wounds took their toll. Aokiji took the lead in stopping the pirates from fleeing.

"That woman…that woman has the luck of the Devil…" He said, trying to freeze the sea. However, a blob of magma stopped him. It was Sakazu, wounded. "Damn ice man," She said. "I'll take them out myself!"

"Now, now," He said. "You're in no shape to be fighting." "Be quiet! That damned pirate slipped away from me, but not again!" From behind her came an angered Garp. Sengoku held him back.

"Sakazu, you wench! I'll kill you!" She looked around and adjusted her cap. "Well, I cannot help it. All of these men wanting a piece of me." Aokiji shook his head. Coby and Hammertime came to the scene. He saw the Admiral in red smoking with magma.

"Boy, come and join me for a bath," She said. "Your wounds seem to be serious."


	16. Chapter 16

"Is she still crying?" Said a man, near a submarine. It was one of the Supernovas, Trafalgar Law. He made an attempt to operate on the Rubber Woman and Jinbe from their wounds. Deep in the forest, were loud wails. Also, next to Law was a bear in a tracksuit, Bepo. Everyone loves Bepo.

The Rubber Woman was wailing loudly, throwing a tantrum and grieving over Ace's death. Jinbe was watching from the side. "Luffiko, get it together!"

"SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!" She slapped him. "I couldn't save Ace, or my clone at all!" She was covered in snot and tears. "I don't have any reason to go on!" She cried loudly. Hancock came to the scene. "Oh, my dear Luffiko," He said, going to her. She stopped crying.

'If nothing else, you still have me, my darling Luffi." He flashed his smile, that which makes even the scariest of sirens into fluttering floozies. However, in this case it only made her cry louder. "Brother Jinbe, there's no getting to her. What can we do?" Jinbe thought for a moment.

"Wait, Luffi! Think for a minute! Is there anything else you want to do, or haven't done?" Luffiko stopped screaming and took a moment to think. Suddenly, she remembered.

She still had a crew!

"I…I have my crew! All of them!" She started crying again, but out of relief.

Meanwhile, said crew had their hands full on their own adventures. Zoro was at a war-torn island, accompanied by the Prince of Ghosts, Perone. "I need to get out of here," Zoro said, injured from his wounds from Barbara Kuma.

"You can't even move," Perone said. "And besides, why would you want to leave this paradise?" He smirked lightly. "It's what I've wanted for the longest time now…" A door opened from downstairs. "Wait, who's that?"

Nami was in the sky, but not on a sky island. She was being chased by a group of wizards. And that alone raises more questions than it should.

Usopp was on an island that resembled a giant plant. He was grossly overweight, eating himself to an early grave. Near him, was a quirky character with a beetle costume.

"Usopp'n! Stop eating so much'n!" He told the cowardly sniper. Usopp was ignoring him, eating to quell his negativity and other insecurities.

Sanji, however was in a paradise. One with a group of women in a pink, cutesy island…I think.

Chopper was about to be eaten alive by some natives with a bulbous build. Serves him right for being a mascot.

Robin, was enslaved at a place called Tequila Wolf. His muscular build along with his resolve made him a popular newcomer with the other slaves.

Franky, was in a cold area, far advanced from the other islands. Animals had robotic qualities, everyday life was different from what he was used to. And finally, Brook was on an even worse off island than Zoro, being mistaken for Satan.

Later on, Luffiko, Rayleigh and Jinbe went to Marineford, Luffi seeking the Ox Bell. With a bouquet, she rang the bell sixteen times and paid her respects. While everyone present was confused, the other Straw Hats understood the message presented when the newspaper reached their respective locations. Rayleigh agreed to give the Rubber Woman an insight on a hidden skill: Haki.

Said training would take two years to learn fully, according to Rayleigh. The captain of the Straw Hat Pirates, Monkey D. Luffiko would be taking a break from pirating for a while. She left her hat and the vivre card on a single rock. She made a Tashigiface.

"If someone finds One Piece before I do, I'll be pissed!"


	17. Chapter 17

In the span of two years, the rubber woman trained with Silvers Rayleigh. Now, finally after finishing the training, she was ready to return to Shabondy.

"I've packed all your favorites," Hancock said. "Don't worry; I'll be waiting for the day when we finally marry!"

"I can't marry you, Hammock," Luffiko said. "But thanks for the food!" He merely smiled. "Even when rejected, I still can't help but love her."

"Look at you, you've grown so much!" It was Nami, with longer hair. She was squeezing Usopp to her chest, which had a much more refined body, having lost weight at the Boyn Islands. "You've grown too, I see!" She couldn't help but feel him over. "I've been around so many old men; I forgot what a young man looks like!" She was crying.

"Some fat hag was going around posing as Luffiko," Usopp said. There were a few more with her, too. I hope we don't run into them…"

"Wow! You guys changed so much!" It was Chopper, looking even cuter and marketable than before admiring two men pretending to be Zoro and Sanji. With them, was a short man pretending to be Robin and a fox with a pink hat. Suddenly, two undercover Marines captured the faux Robin.

Meanwhile, the two in question were arguing for no reason. "You wish you got here first, swirly!" Zoro's left eye was missing, whereas Sanji only gained some stubble. "YOU'RE STILL A LOSER, MARIMO!" A woman passed by. Sanji's nose flared and his leg twitched, like a dog. Zoro observed him, unamused.

"Ow! Look at my main man, Robin!" It was Franky, who looked even more robotic than before. From below, was Nico Robin, who wore a blue Hawaiian shirt and pink shorts. "Well, you got more…interesting," He said. "Can I even call you a human?" He looked around the ship.

Lastly, Brook was performing a show, as the Soul King. He was now a world-renowned star. The marines were after him.

Luffiko, on the other hand was moving about in a disguise. She met up with a woman who was wearing tattered clothes resembling hers. "Hey, there!" She said. "You can't just pass me so freely!" Luffiko looked at her and apologized, then moved along, bumping her. She fired the pistol at the Rubber Woman, who then used her Haki to clear them out.

Later on, said faker was recruiting pirates and newcomers all over Shabondy. Next to her, was a woman with a pot belly pretending to be Nami and two men pretending to be Franky and Sogeking.

"Now I'm a woman of many terrible deeds and titles, but I'm willing to allow you weaklings the opportunity to come under my flag as a Straw Hat!" Everyone cheered. However, the Marine Scientist, Sentomaru approached her. "Oh, the Marines are after me, are they?!" The Fake Luffiko boasted. "Do you not know who I am?! I'm the fearful, deadly, bloodthirsty Straw Hat-"

"YOU AREN'T STRAW HAT!" He bopped her on the head with his axe. "Straw Hat isn't some middle-aged pig!"

The Straw Hats finally reunited with one another. Luffiko held her dear comrades to her notably larger bust. She wore bandages around them. "Hancock told me I shouldn't have them out all willy-nilly," She said. "Wait, _that _Hancock?" Robin asked.

"Yep. I met the Serpent King, Hancock the Constrictor." Sanji went crazy over Nami and moreso Luffiko. "Both their busts have grown…" His nose shot blood all over. Chopper tended to him immediately. The Marines were coming for the Straw Hats, but they were being apprehended by what appeared to be the negative hollows Perone used.

"You're welcome," A voice said. It was Perone, who came to Zoro. "You don't have to follow me, kid," He told him. "If it weren't for me, you'd still be running in circles." The other accomplices of the Straw Hats came to assist them. With their ship coated, and their crew reunited, they made their way to the bottom of the sea, to Fishman Island. Along the way, the crew had some time to reunite and reminisce. Luffiko even managed to befriend a Kraken.

"Where did you get that thing," Nami asked. "When I got lost, I felt something touching me in the dark," She explained, touching her body. "It was getting a little fresh, and my bandages came off." Sanji started to twitch and let loose a fountain of blood.

"I had to beat him up, but then he became nice afterwards, so I tamed him!" He smiled at the Straw Hats. "I'd like to eat you, but I guess I can do that afterward." The Kraken was shocked.

"Take us to Fishman Island, Surume!" The giant squid carried the Sunny Go all the way on the seafloor. Within the hour, they managed to get to the island itself. After such a long wait, the Straw Hats finally made it to Fishman Island.

"I wonder what adventures I'll have here…"


	18. Chapter 18

"But why not, Uncle Jin-Jin?!" Luffiko pleaded. She was standing across from the former Warlord, Jinbe. "I have other matters to tend to with Big Mom," He said. "But once I've taken care of that, and we meet again, if you still want me to join your crew, I'll be obliged."

"You'd better keep your promise!" The rubber woman said, pouting. She then jumped on Jinbe's chest and hugged him. Upon a series of adventures, dark history and dedication, the Straw Hat crew made their mark on Fishman Island, flaunting their new abilities and skills learned over the last two years. The crew was making their way to the New World, where everything is possible and the impossible is reality.

Others were at the New World, too. One person in particular was known as Trafalgar Law, who operated and saved the rubber woman from certain death. He would meet her again in the island known as Punk Hazard. Over the last two years, he became a Warlord.

"Wait, you're…Tra…Traffic…uh…"

"Trafalgar Law."

"Yeah, Tra-guy!" The rubber woman hugged him tightly. "If it weren't for Tra-guy, me and Uncle Jin-Jin would have died!"

"With you being here, I can finally make some moves," Law said. "I've had my eye on you for a while, Straw Hatter."

"Oh? Well, I could see myself with you, Tra-guy!"

"No, not in that way, in a sense that you've been AWOL for the last two years and suddenly, you and your crew show up. I want you to join me in an alliance."

"An alliance?!"

"Yeah. One where we take out the Four Kings!"

"Wait, what?!" Nami went crazy. "We can't take out those guys!"

"But we can." He smiled. "First off, though we have some matters to handle on this island." He saw from a distance, Smoker and his unit coming to the group.

Along with some strange adventures and antics involving drugged-up children, the scenario became interesting when Law talked to someone on a snail phone.

"It WAS you!" He said angrily. "I should have known from the start. Across from him, was Vergo, a Marine Vice Admiral. On his face, was a piece of hamburger.

"Fufu, you're so feisty, Law!" It was Joker, or better known as Donquixote Doflamingo, another Warlord. "You don't have to be so vulgar, baby." She was in a bubble bath, a younger girl eating grapes next to her. "I know you're trying to overthrow my little business, Vergo suspected it, too. That's why I sent him and Monet to Punk Hazard. I'm still angry over you rejecting my proposal…"

An explosion occurred. A man in a tuxedo with a wide arsenal of weapons fired wildly.

"I'm not marrying you!" Law yelled! Doflamingo laughed, while deterring away the butler. "You keep on pushing me away, and it only makes me want you more, you feisty little thing, you." She lashed her tongue out. The butler was stuck in a pose. She licked his face, bending down to do so. His gun was being pointed to his head.

"We'll likely meet each other soon, Law. I'll be waiting." She hung up, while taking off the butler's shirt.

"This is going to be harder than I thought…"

…

"You want us to do what?!"

"Help me defeat Joker!"

"Joker?" Luffiko asked. "The alias of Donquixote Doflamingo." Usopp, Nami and Chopper fainted from shock. "THAT Doflamingo?!"

"Aye. Me and her have been acquainted for a long time now, and it's obvious that I can't keep avoiding her any longer." Sanji began to think about the Warlord in question. "She's that lovely woman with the tan and sexy outfits…" He began to swoon over her.

"Law! Why are you trying to take out that beautiful lady!?"

"She isn't beautiful, she's a dangerous pirate! She's done terrible things, and we've finally got her by the tail!" Caesar was behind them, in chains. "We'll use him as bait, and get her to resign from her position as a Warlord. That, in turn will make another one of our enemies come out."

"And…w-who m-might that be…?" Law paused for a second.

"Kaido." The long-nosed sniper's heart stopped. "He's one of the Four Kings, right?" Luffiko asked. "Yes. He's probably the most dangerous of the four. And-"

Well, I've already picked a fight with Big Mom, Luffi said, interruptiung. "And I wanna beat up that Blackbeard for what he did to Ace, and…Shanks…" She adjusted her hat. "Well, I can't really beat HIM up!" She said, flustered. "So, Kaido's gonna get his ass kicked, then! I'll need to eat a lot! Sanji, make some lunch!"

"Sure thing, captain~"

"I need a doctor…"

"I'm a doctor!"

"I want some booze."

"I wanna run away!"

"I don't like bread!" Law said. Suddenly, he went into shock getting caught in Straw Hat's idiocy.


	19. Chapter 19 (It's been a while, I know)

"That brat! He thinks he can just stand me up!?" Doflamingo was pacing back and forth, surprisingly calm and focused. "I've worked too long for this to be screwed up! We _will_ be married, by any means necessary!" Behind her, were three men in specifically shaped chairs.

"Today, we'll spread the word to the entire country!"

Newspapers flew all over the streets, announcing the marriage of Doflamingo and Trafalgar Law. Everyone showed excitement and joy for their queen. Law, however was unenthusiastic. "We're going to kill Dolflamingo, and all of her family!" He told the Straw Hats. "One group come with me, and the other group try to infiltrate their factory."

"But we want to go to the wedding!" Nami said.

"There isn't any wedding!" Law shouted angrily.

"But she said you two were getting married," Luffiko replied. "So, are you lying or what?" Law sighed. "Alright, I'll explain it like this. Doflamingo had a brother…his name was Corazon. And well…"

…

…

Franky, Chopper and Kin'emon started bawling. "Poor Corazon, he was great!" Law was about to blow a gasket.

"Anyway, we're using Caesar to bait Doflamingo into relinquishing her title! Now, one group come with me, the other go find that factory!" Everyone looked at Law.

"What's the matter?"

"I wanna see how this whole marriage thing plans out," Sanji said. "You'd dare break a lady's heart in front of me…?"

"Same," Nami said. "I'm staying here."

"If I-I don't have to fight," Usopp stated, shaking at the knees. "I'll stick around, too! I'll even sing my hit song that got me famous on a certain island!" Chopper fell for his ruse, sparkle-eyed. Everyone was making a scene based on the supposed wedding, except for Zoro. He went to Law. "Never mind these idiots," He said. "Show me who I have to cut."

In the middle of the streets of Dressrosa, was Law with Caesar. Everyone saw him, including some of the guards that Doflamingo kept around. Toys were present, too. "Doflamingo! Show yourself! If you don't, I'll kill Caesar right here!" The Straw Hats present were wearing disguises.

"Young Madam, help me!" Caesar was crying. From the western alley, came a man with a diaper and bib surrounded by women and a very fat man with curly blonde hair. "Is that who I think it is," Said the manbaby.

"It is-iiiiiiiiiin! Law!" Law glared at them.

"Machvise! Senor Pink!" Zoro stared at them. "None of them have a sword…" He pouted. "Yo, Trafalgar! I'm not fighting these guys, get someone else."

"Dammit, I don't have time for this!" Law put his sword to Caesar's neck. "Get Doflamingo, here right now, or else-" Senor Pink was sucking on a baby bottle full of bourbon. "What the hell is up with him?" Usopp said. The women swooned over him.

"So hardboiled!" Franky's robot ears twitched. "Hardboiled?" He walked to the ladykiller. "So, you're hardboiled, eh?" He said to Pink.

"Yeah, what of it?"

Zoro wandered off, not knowing his way. Luffiko followed him, curious to see where he would end up.

Nami, Sanji, Momonosuke, Chopper, Brook and Robin stayed back at the Sunny Go. "I bet they're having fun without us," Momo said. "It'll be okay," Nami said. "And besides, Doflamingo's crew are all there. I don't want anything to do with her!"

"Me neither!"

"O-Nami, I'm thankful to be with you," Momo said, cuddling against her. "Hey, brat! Enough of that fake love nonsense!" Momo started to tear up, which was met up with a swift punch to the head by Nami. However, the perverted cook was overjoyed.

Robin was sipping some tea. "There's something that I overheard back on the island," He said. "Something about a tournament, in a coliseum." "What about it," Sanji asked. "Well, what caught my ear was the prize for it."

"Sign me up!" Zoro was at said coliseum, ready to participate. "If the prize is that, I'd better try to get it for her." Someone was blubbering nearby. It was the future Pirate Queen. "T-T-That's Ace's fruit! Why does she have it?!" Everyone was looking at her. Suddenly, a large man came to her.

"Hey, girlie! This isn't the place for crying wimps!"

"Shut up!" She decked him, instantly flinging him afar. "I'm gonna enter this contest and take that fruit back! She went to the counter. "Oh, Zor-"

"Shhh! It's Zolo!"

"Zolo?"

"We're undercover. If they see us here, they'll come at us in droves!" From a pillar, was a young woman with pink hair and gladiator attire, staring at them.

"Okay, I'll sign as Monkey D. Lu-lu-lu…" She started crying again. "I miss my bro!"

"What was that again, Lu…"

"Lulu. She's Lucy."

"Okay, Lucy. You're in Block C." She went to her corridor and saw a display of armor and weaponry. "Ooh, I wonder if I can find something sexy!" She found a skimpy bikini, which covered only part of her crotch and barely the centers of her breasts. Every man looked at her in awe. "Hey, that's not fair, she's showing her bare crotch out for all to see!" A man with a punkish look saw the rubber woman and gasped.

"It's her. It's really her!"

Zoro was in Block D, scoping out the competition. The woman from before looked at him. He noticed her. "Need something?"

"Oh, nothing. It's just…" Zoro looked confused.

"Well, that girl…Is she your lover?" Zoro gave a crazy look.


	20. Chapter 20 (Hi again)

Luffi's fight was up first.

She was battling among the likes of various pirates and fighters throughout the New World such as the leader of the Happou Navy, Don Chinjao, Don Sai and even a giant, Hajrudin. She was playing with a black fighting bull, which seemed to be fond of the rubber woman. Everyone was suddenly cheering. From the overview, was Donquixote Doflamingo in all her glory.

"That's the mingo lady," Luffi said. "Welcome, fighters! I am Donquixote Doflamingo. I am here to present to you, the prize of the winner of the tournament. An assistant pulled the lid of the box open, showing the Mera-Mera fruit. Everyone exclaimed over it.

"This was the fruit of the late Portgas D. Ace," The former (Well not anymore) warlord described. "I was there when it happened, his darling crew tried their best to save him, but the Marines prevailed." She laughed. Luffiko remembered the scene where her brother(s) died and began to bawl.

"I MISS MY BROTHER!" Everyone paid their attention to the buxom battler. "Did she say brother…?" Doflamingo grew interested. "Is that…" She leapt from the balcony and made her way to Luffi. "You're Monkey D. Luffiko, aren't you!?" Everyone gasped, Don Chinjao especially.

"One of the worst generation!"

"I don't believe it."

"She's hot!"

"You're here for your brother's fruit, aren't you?"

"Give it back," Luffiko said, sniffling. "I don't believe it, how did a bratty girl like you make it this far?!" Doflamingo began to flick her breasts around, meshing them. "What a lewd, inappropriate body you're flaunting! You would have been raped, defiled and used by every sea dog on the known seas! Today's pirates are too soft, softer than those tits you just leave out in the open!" Zoro saw his captain being felt up.

"I have to help her!" He ran the opposite direction of the coliseum entrance. "Zolo! Over here!" It was the woman with the pink hair.

"I'm going to hold you for ransom. But first, how about some exhibition? Doflamingo took off Luffi's attire and presented her body for all to see. She looked at everyone, drooling over her pure untainted womanhood.

"What's everyone drooling for?" She asked. "And why'd you take off my armor!?"

"Hoo, no shame, I see. So that's how you survived. What a mischievous little bag of tricks you are! I wonder how many men you've deceived…" She felt the scar on Luffi's chest. "I've never been with a man," She said. "I'm too cute to fall in love with someone, unlike you, you sunburned hag!" The entire stadium froze in fear."

"Sunburned?!"

"Hmph! You're just jealous I'm younger than you! I'm surprised your boobs haven't sagged a bit!" Veins popped from Doflamingo's forehead. She pinched her cheeks and pulled them.

And yes, I mean her face.

"You need to be put in your place," She said furiously. "I'm making a new game, the tournament is cancelled!" Everyone in the audience protested. The fighters in the coliseum were infuriated.

"What the hell are you trying!?" Don Sai yelled. "What could you be possibly thinking?!"

"The new game is as follows: The one to capture Monkey D. Luffiko will obtain 500 Million berries AND claim her as a wife!" Doflamingo declared. "You can come to the palace to obtain your prizes."

Suddenly, every fighter in the arena and the blocks came running out the coliseum. Zoro and the pink-haired girl were bombarded by horny warriors. They took to the streets, lusting and hungry for the large amount of money on Luffiko's head. Doflamingo had her in her clutches. She held her body up with a series of strings. "I still haven't forgot about my little promise, brat!" She took the strings and spread open Luffi's legs, showing her womanhood.

"Knock it off, mango!"

"It's MINGO!"

Everyone saw her exposed. Men drooled, women stabbed in retaliation, children laughed at her misfortune. Zoro and the pink-haired girl went to the castle. The pink-haired girl noticed Zoro was going down an alley way and grabbed him. She held his arm while running. Nearby, was Sanji talking to a woman with a vibrant dress. He saw Zoro in disguise with the girl. He grew happy, and then angry his crewmate was with an attractive girl.

"Oi, Marimo! What the hell are you doin' with that beautiful young lady?!" Zoro got irritated, realizing who it was.

"That's my…" The woman went to the two.

"Aunt Vi!"

"Aunt?!" Sanji looked at the one called Vi. "Well, she's my niece. Her name is Rebecca. And I'm Violet. Do you two know each other?"

"Hell no, we don't!" Zoro yelled. "And how old are you anyway?"

"I'm –"

Sanji stopped her. "Don't answer, a lady should never reveal her age." He went to Rebecca. "Isn't that right, mademoiselle?"

"I'm sixteen." Rebecca said, bright-eyed. Her innocence clashed with her revealing attire.

Sanji and Zoro were bickering while running to the castle. "I wasn't trying to date her, swirlybrow! I was going after Luffi! She got kidnapped by Doflamingo!"

"What?!" All the men were running to the castle, with perverse looks in their eyes. "What's going on?!" A man nearby was looking at some images. Sanji took a glance at them and immediately shot up in the air with a nosebleed. Zoro got an idea.

"Keep it up, nosebleed-cook!" He turned the cook backwards and shot up in the sky, going straight to the castle. They crashed in a window.

"Good. Now to save –"

The castle started changing. "What the hell is going on?!"

Atop the roof, were Doflamingo and Luffiko. She was struggling to get out the seastone cuffs. Doflamingo was laughing.

"Everyone's coming for you, Straw Hat!" She boasted. "There'll be men galore ready to tear you to pieces! I wonder what a gangbang with a rubber woman will look like…well, we'll find out soon!" She cackled. Something appeared around the rooftop.

"I don't think so, Joker!" Luffi's face lit up.

"Tra-guy!" He appeared in front of the rubber woman. "Oi, where are your pants?!" He turned to the former warlord. "Your twisted game ends here!" Doflamingo put her hands on her hips, looking down at the warlord. "The fun is just starting, Law!" He pulled out his sword, ready to attack.

"Now, now. We shouldn't fight, being engaged and all." Law tensed up and yelled aloud,

"I'm not marrying you!"

Luffiko cheered him on. Doflamingo grew tense. "I see. You're with this vixen instead of a real woman. You're a thorn on my side, Law!"

"Wait a minute, I'm not –"

"Tra-guy, you're really cool!" Luffi interrupted. "But I can't marry you. I'm gonna be the pirate queen!" Law sighed. "Oh? You, be the pirate queen!? That's a load of shit if I've ever heard it!" Doflamingo laughed.

"It's true! I'm gonna get out these cuffs and beat you up!" Noises were heard downstairs. "Oh, there's the cavalry." Horny men came from the stairwell, ready to claim their prize. Law transported them away from the castle. More arrived.

"Dammit!"

"There she is!"

"Hooo, she's hot!"

"I wanna squeeze her breasts!"

Luffiko made a face, panicking. "Tra, get me outta these cuffs!" Law grabbed her and jumped down the castle. They stood suspended in the air. Doflamingo used her powers to control them. "I'll deal with you later." She said to Law. "You, on the other hand…" She moved Luffiko's limbs in place, spreading her legs. Every man was drooling.

"So…which one of you will take on this fresh, lewd girl first?" She flicked Luffi's breast.

"We'll take her on." Said a voice. It was a man with a top hat and another man with a round hat. Luffiko saw him and stared for a minute. Suddenly, her mouth dropped down, almost as if she saw something from long ago.

"What's a pretty young lady like you doing here, all exposed?"


End file.
